Introverts, listen up!
I’m going to get deep here real quick. I’m going straight for the point, and I need you quiet folks to pay close attention. Are you ready?
It’s OK.
Did you hear that? Maybe I wasn’t loud enough.
You are OK.
Sorry about that, I prefer to skip the small talk and start with a deep conversation first. I guess that’s what happens when you meet an introvert.
Us quiet folk tend to feel a certain pressure from the more outgoing people to engage in small talk or mingle at a social event. This is especially true when entering college. As a major introvert myself, I have found ways to avoid being someone I'm not, and balance my "me time" with my "everyone else time.” My desire for you, with a quiet personality yet a daring dreamer, to know your limits and apply these few tips for when you’re feeling too stimulated amidst the chaos of college.
You may feel overwhelmed by all the social activities and initiations college has to offer. Just remember to not overwhelm yourself in the process.
Whether you are entering Greek life, joining a sports team, or choosing a major that involves being around people all the time (like theater), it can feel as if there are always events to go to. If you are a freshman about to enter college, there will likely be an orientation week of some sort on your campus. To get over the fear of having to engage in endless small talk, try to find a friend who you think you can stick to for the weekend and allow them to be your “buddy.” Perhaps this is someone on your hall you think you would enjoy being friends with, or an acquaintance from high school going to your same university. Get to know them for a few minutes, then ask them to be your orientation buddy! You can be the dynamic duo conquering the quad together. Introduce one another to new groups of people! It’s nice to have one person you can cling to instead of sticking it out yourself. I’m sure that person will also appreciate having a solid by their side!
FOMO is very real, and very unattainable.
Let me just relay a simple truth right now: you cannot be in two places at once. No one can. And everyone suffers from the fear of missing out.
Again, it's OK!
You have four years. Calm yourself, child. In the grand scheme of things, will anyone really remember you were at so-and-so’s 24-hour Play Festival, or your roommates’ best friends’ older sisters' informational meeting on underwater basket weaving? No, they won’t. I’m sorry, no one is that important.
Instead, think about your priorities. What is important to you? What do you want to invest your time in? Find out if there are any clubs on campus that interest you. That will be an awesome way to connect with people who have similar interests, and therefore much easier to befriend and invest your valuable time in.
Who cares if it's nerdy? Do it anyway! Literally, no one cares. And if they belittle you for it, they aren’t worth your time. Keep on going to underwater basket weaving, my friend.
Find your restoration time.
There is a fabulous book by Susan Cain called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking." I highly recommend this book if you need any more affirmation that taking time for solitude is OK. She explains how today’s society dramatically undervalue’s introverts and shows how much people miss by leaning on the Extrovert Ideal. This book helped my confidence in understanding why I am the way that I am. I even shared it with my dad, a fellow introvert, who found a lot of value from it as well.
One quote I want to share with you from "Quiet" is this: “Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.” Susan’s TED Talk has been viewed over 3 million times, and as an introvert herself, it’s a powerful video to watch her describe her childhood experience of camp, encourage today’s thinkers to be themselves, and celebrate their unique way of living.
Discover your niche for restoration. As an introvert, you recharge by being alone. Where and how is the best way for you to do that? Being at college can feel overstimulating all the time, simply because you are in a new environment: from the campus, to the people, to perhaps the state your university is in! Does your school have a quiet and serene garden you can find peace in? Are you able to get off campus and sit in a local coffee shop to people watch? Find a secret location you can call your own, and escape there when you need “me time.”
Understand the power of saying “No."
You may feel inclined to say "yes" to every party or campus event you are invited to. You might even feel rude if you decline simply because you’re worn out from sitting in class all day, or working a part-time job. Realize that you are the most important thing to take care of. It’s only when you take care of yourself first, that you can truly invest in the lives of others.
Another quote from Susan is this, “Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to. Stay home on New Year’s Eve if that’s what makes you happy. Skip the committee meeting. Cross the street to avoid making aimless chitchat with random acquaintances. Read. Cook. Run. Write a story. Make a deal with yourself that you’ll attend a set number of social events in exchange for not feeling guilty when you beg off.”
I love her last bit of advice for setting a cap on the number of events you say “yes” to! Do this, and you will not only prevent yourself from overstimulating, but also become an awesome manager of your time!
Be the initiator!
Introverts can have fun too! Why should you wait for an invitation, when you can be the one inviting everyone over? Organize a movie or game night, suggest to go out for drinks, ask if someone is interested in seeing a show with you. How do you like to have fun? Invite a small group to your dorm/apartment (or perhaps a large group if you’re feeling slightly extroverted) and have a great time with your friends!
If you don't know whether you are an extrovert, introvert (or an ambivert!) I really recommend the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator test. There are many versions of this test, and it’s a fascinating assessment of your personality for how you process information, what your strengths and weaknesses are, and even how you act in relationships (familial, parental, and partner). If you're really nerdy like me, look into Socionics, a theory of intertype relations.
Well, that was a brain dumb! I truly hope I was able to share some wisdom and insight with you in order to enhance your experience in college as an introvert. Who knows? You may even surprise yourself and find you become part extrovert!
