Life is full of choices. Some of these are huge and life-altering, some are as irrelevant as deciding whether or not to make your bed in the morning. There’s no doubt that each and every decision shapes our lives to some degree, and that can be a lot of pressure. However, it can also be liberating. There is hardly a better feeling than one that makes you feel like you’ve got control over the paths you take. I get to make my life what I want it to be, and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop me -- that’s a feeling of confidence unmatched by anything. With that in mind, obviously making decisions that shape your life into the best thing it can be is a deeply personal experience, and people trampling on those choices can be devastating. Since nobody enjoys having things they’ve pieces of their lives trampled on, there’s a general rule to follow that avoids offense and animosity: stay in your lane.
It’s a simple idea meant to emphasize how important it is to keep certain opinions in check. While driving, staying in your lane is one of the most important things you can do. In fact, failure to do so results in some pretty catastrophic outcomes. Likewise, overstepping boundaries when it comes to what other people have decided for themselves can have devastating consequences.
The struggle to hold steady on choices seems to truly begin at the end of high school for most people. Choosing a college and a major are crucial choices that more or less determine a four-year path, and at times a career beyond that. The choice to attend University of Portland was a hard one for me. It is an expensive school, so practicality was far from in my favor. But I had this burning confidence that it was the best place I could be, so I did it anyway. Despite the doubt and worry that stemmed from this choice, everything has worked out and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life.
Choosing my major was an even harder one. I didn’t want to come in undeclared, so I chose a major I had heard was more flexible than most: communications. After a month of taking two communication courses, I fell in love with my field of study. I have since changed my path slightly and am now seeking a degree in organizational communication, but the premises are the same. I can’t count the number of times I’ve received a “knowing look” or comment implying that I’ve got a future of low-pay ahead of me or that I’m doing what I love because I don’t want to work for it.
These are the times that swerving into my lane becomes problematic.
Communication is, in many ways, easy for me. Not in a way that reflects laziness, but in a way that my mind simply works well under this frame. I am an open person with a large family full of people with very different communication and conflict styles. I love writing and that’s where the majority of the work is done. But I learn something by the end of every class, and I have to work myself to exhaustion in order to reach the standards that are set to show understanding. Whether it’s about different strategies for reducing uncertainty about others or exploring the fundamentals that make up a culture, I am pursuing ideas I care deeply about. I have a very crisp end-goal in mind, and I am well on my way to achieving it.
Choices people make range far beyond their academic and career goals, though.
I know many people who have gotten married and had children and are happy. I know others who chose not to marry but are raising children in a healthy family setting together. Still others choose to not have kids and instead orient their life on other important aspects of life.
All of these and many others that aren’t listed are completely valid options. There are so many factors underlying these choices that remove any right to question why they would be made. Some see the institution of marriage as an unnecessary social construct. Counterparts may see marriage as a fundamental stepping stone, allowing them to create a vital bond in their life. Some people consider raising children to be their purpose in life. Others may consider having children a burden they never want to experience. The fact of the matter is that there isn’t a “right” way to live, just a need for respect of how others choose to live.
There isn’t a cookie-cutter experience to life. There are options in nearly every facet of life, creating as many walks of life as there are ideas in the world. Choices are hard. They are stressful and unrelentingly important much of the time, but they’re yours and other people’s are theirs and that’s all there is to it.
Worrying about yourself is more than enough to worry about. Let other people, whether strangers or friends, make the choices they feel are best for them. I’ll never know what’s best for you and you’ll never know what’s best for me. Simply let life be what it is to each of us and move along trying to make your own choices that will make you the happiest.
