As high school graduation got closer and closer, my mom asked me if I was ready for college. Honestly, I didn’t know how to answer this. I was ready, but I was scared. I was afraid of the unknown and I was afraid of change. These feelings proved to be true as I entered my first few weeks of college.

Growing up as the oldest sibling, I always had to be brave. I am five years older than my oldest sister and nine years older than my youngest brother. I was their role model and I know they were watching my every action. The idea of leaving them seemed so strange to me. They weren’t only my siblings, but they were my best friends. Although I had previously lived five years without them, I now couldn’t remember how to live without them. The thought of not being able to give my brother a hug after a long day or rant to my sister about boys was unbelievably scary.

The short 30-minute car ride was filled with a forced smile and little talking, as I had no idea how I was going to say goodbye to my family. I didn’t know how I was going to start a new life, in a place all by myself, surrounded by thousands of people that I didn’t know. On top of that, I was crossing my fingers I would like my two random roommates. I don’t think I said more than five words on that car ride because I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what I was feeling, but I knew it was a feeling that I had never felt before.

We arrived, and I remember taking the elevator up to the fourth floor. I remember walking all the way down the hallway to an unknown place, that I would soon call home. As I began to meet my roommates and settle into this home, things began to feel comfortable.

Then suddenly, the time came— I had to say goodbye. The goodbye was easier than I thought. I wasn’t extremely sad, but at the same time, I don’t think I felt any emotions during the goodbye.

The next few weeks followed a similar pattern. I was filled with excitement and fear. Each day brought upon new emotions. However, I never exactly allowed myself to feel these emotions. I was just fine.

I knew that if I thought about how scary it was going to be to walk to class, without giving my sister a ride, I would break down. To avoid this breakdown, I simply didn’t think about it. I was excited, but I didn’t let myself feel this excitement because I was still afraid. I was excited to start my new life, but the road to success seemed exceedingly difficult.

Once I started classes, I truly realized the road to success would be difficult, but I realized it would be possible. I found faith in myself and this opened up a whole new feeling of excitement. This feeling was one that I could actually feel. Once, I started to feel this excitement, I allowed myself to start feeling other emotions too, including fear. I realized that all of these unknown feelings I was experiencing were completely normal.

I was placed in a whole new situation that I had never come close to experiencing before. With this new experience came new feelings, I had never known before. But feelings are meant to be felt. Even if I didn’t know what they were, it was so important for me to recognize them in order to grow from them.