When word got out that the next "Star Wars" movie was on its way, die hard "Star Wars" fans everywhere immediately braced themselves for the continuance they have been waiting for seven years. When I first heard about it, I thought, "Huh, sounds like a big deal and a topic of interest I can bring up when I yearn to sound intriguing amidst a group of people that give off the vibe that they would be super hype about this." I had zero intention of seeing it; I had only planned on asking others if they had seen it as a conversation piece and creating the illusion that I simply hadn't found time to get to the movies, but was dying to see it nonetheless. Long story short, my boyfriend dragged me and I sat through two hours and 16 minutes of special effects and what I can only speculate as a significant moment in cinematic history. Brace yourself for some vague and poorly written spoilers.

So the movie starts out with that traveling font thing...I'm definitely familiar with that. I wasn't really able to follow the meaning behind the words, as it seemed to be tons of made up space jargon. A few names I was able to pick up on were Luke Skywalker, who is missing and people are pissed about it, and some other Skywalker, I think. Anyway, the movie opens up with the this pilot guy and a bunch of other people that apparently are fighting with him on this planet against a bunch of Stormtroopers. I know the little white robot guys are Stormtroopers. One of the Stormtroopers seems to be getting a little too emotional for his job because one of his friends dies and he wipes the blood on his helmet and it seems to be important but they get back to that. So the pilot has this little robot that rolls and makes cute noises. Somehow they understand the bleeps and bloops that come out of his mouth. Finally, the pilot is captured, by who I assumed was Darth Vader, in a more modern costume for at least 2/3 of the movie, but turns out real Vader is dead and there's this new guy, who is like Princess Leia and Han Solo's son, which seems like it might be a big deal.

So they take the pilot back to what I thought was the Death Star, but apparently that thing blew up a while back, which I was somewhat familiar with, so I just thought they had begun to rebuild. This thing is the First Order and I'm thinking that they are all for the dark side, and they're the ones that are super pissed about Luke Skywalker missing and want to find him. I am not sure why they want him so badly but I know he's the last Jedi and maybe that's important.

So they get to their big space ship planet and this Darth Vader 2.0 is interrogating the pilot asking for Luke Skywalker. Despite some slight self-esteem issues, this new Vader clearly has potential. He doesn't get the info he needs though, and retreats to gather his thoughts. Out of no where, that Stormtrooper I had a funny feeling about decides he's outtie and needs to get off this planet/ship thing ASAP. So this guy decides to help the pilot and they steal one of the ships and fly away. Of course, there's a climatic space ship shoot out and just when they think they're safe they get shot down to that planet they were on in the beginning, which is totally cool because that's where the robot thing is and it has a map to Luke Skywalker that everybody wants. Except the rogue Stormtrooper, who the pilot called Finn, can't find the pilot in the wreck. So he puts on the pilot's leather jacket and tries to find town.

The robot has been doing its own thing while all that stuff was going down and made a female friend named Rey. When Finn gets to town he sees the robot and the girl pointing at him so he runs and they chase after him. They catch him and Rey says that his jacket was stolen by little robot's friend and Finn's like, "No way, you guys gotta hear this." He tells Rey he's a part of the Resistance (the people trying to do away with the First Order) to impress her and then they are bombarded with a bunch of people from the First Order hunting after them. They steal a space ship and they're all shooting at each other and it's pretty intense and then they finally get away into outer space.

Out pops Han Solo and Chewbacca, who I know are both key characters, and everyones like "what?!" As it turns out, the ship they stole is the Millennium Falcon, which apparently is like the main ship all those guys flew back in the day. Then out of nowhere, a bunch of people that Han really pissed off pop out and Rey and Finn go hide. The guys want money or something from Han and are gonna kill him and release these big space monsters if he doesn't pay up. Finn and Rey accidentally release the monsters anyway and everyone dies except Han and Chewie and Rey and Finn and the little robot, coincidentally.

So for some reason, Solo takes everyone to this weird planet to see this little Yoda-looking lady and she says some deep stuff. Then some other stuff happens and then it turns out Rey is able to use the force that I've heard about. She's not all for it, though, and for some reason, it kind of freaks her out. There ends up being a battle of sorts, but I'm not sure what caused it, and Rey gets taken to the First Order. Everyone freaks out and they join forces with the Resistance to get her back and destroy the First Order.

Turns out the pilot has been alive the whole time and he helps Finn go save Rey. Princess Leia is some kind of big deal to the Resistance and she's all like "Han, go get our son" and Han is so down to get his son back wants to save him.

So they plan this elaborate mission to go get Rey and by this time she's all of a sudden decided the force is a good idea and uses it to get out of captivity. They make their way to blow up as much as they can when Han runs into his son, Vader 2.0. Han's all like "We love you come home," and just when you think Vader 2.0 is gonna hug him, boom, lightsaber through the gut. Super emotional and climatic moment, I can tell. Chewie's all upset, so I'm all upset, it really was an awful moment. Rey and Finn run and somehow end up in snowy woods when they see Vader 2.0 and he throws Rey against a tree, so naturally Finn goes at it with him. Finn gets badly hurt and Rey comes up and destroys Vader 2.0 and gets on a spaceship with Finn and the whole planet explodes.

Everyone's really pumped about the destruction of the First Order and then R2D2, who was so sad when Luke went missing, turns out his battery died, then turns on again, and reveals the missing piece of the map to Luke. So Rey goes and finds Luke, who has literally been standing on a cliff emotionally looking out onto an ocean all this time and holds out his lightsaber for him. Then the movies over. Physically and emotionally a cliffhanger. So congratulations Star Wars fans, looks like Luke's back for the next one. I literally have no idea what any of this means but I hope my less than poetic description doesn't offend too many people.