The individualistic ideals of our society are well exhibited by the millennial generation. We tend to find security and comfort in knowing we have good friends who can function as confidants. And we appreciate people going out of their way to see if we’re doing alright. It makes us feel noticed and cared about which is always a good feeling.
If our friends exhibit any inconsistency in their availability for listening to our problems or caring about them, we become angry on the inside. We deem them as unreliable. “They’re my friend, how could they care so little? They don’t check up on me.” It probably makes you feel like no one cares if no one checks on you asking how you are. It’s a normal reaction. Let me tell you something about that, if they really wanted to know how you were doing…
They would ask!
There I said it. Now before you label yourself as needy or a nuisance for going to others for help or label your friends as careless and aloof, realize that it’s totally okay for them not to ask. Think about this: you have a lot going on in your life, well so do they.
Our society, peers, and media outlets tell us to worry about ourselves because at the end of the day that’s all you have. And they have a point. As awesome as it is to have friends to confide in, you need to know how to stand on your own two feet. Just because your friends don’t check up on you like you may for them, doesn’t make them bad people. They’re focused on them. They do care about you and if they’re really good friends, they will be there in your darkest hours.
But you will not always have someone for every issue that arises.
Yet too often we long for people to show us attention during our crises. Why do you think young people post ambiguous posts on social media, such as a lone sad face emoji on Twitter or “feeling sad” on Facebook? You are given no background story in these posts because we expect people to go the extra mile to decipher these cryptic messages and show they care. If no one reacts to these small cries for help, we are hurt. We feel overlooked. But we’ve all breezed over such posts here and there, it's normal!
As of lately I learned this lesson. I do not resent my friends or anyone else for not coddling me because we all have our own lives to attend to. I have kept most ordeals more private unless an unbiased opinion or advice is needed. I've learned about myself in the process.
I am learning to stand on my own two feet, because at the end of the day, that’s all we have. Do not devalue your friendships or bottle everything up because that is toxic to prove a point. Instead, show yourself how strong and independent you are and reach out as truly needed. You do not need anyone to make you feel better.
Who knows how to make you feel better than you do? No one.
Only you know what works for you. You will always be there when no one else is. People come and go from our life. They move, they pass or they fade away. Trust yourself and your inner strength.You’re pretty darn reliable and know yourself pretty well. That’s a gift. Use it. Cry in your bed, treat yourself to some ice cream, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re unstoppable. Be your own best friend.
Stand on your own two feet, because you are the one holding yourself up time and time again. Stand up tall, you owe it to yourself.
