Let me start this off by saying I am NOT a fan of "The Bachelorette," "The Bachelor," or any TV show where people believe they are in love after a week. Everyone knows it is fake (for the most part) yet they still get approved for multiple seasons. I used to watch the hit show with my mom, the first two seasons anyways. All I remember is he didn’t give a rose to a girl then two episodes later she came back like a bad b*tch and it was the scandal of the year. Even before I was a teenager, I realized the stupidity of the show and vowed to never watch it again... or so I thought.
I work a 9-5 job and live alone in a city where I don’t know a lot of people. I don’t have a dog or boyfriend to keep me occupied (I’d prefer the dog, p.s.), so my evenings are generally spent watching Netflix or sleeping. Of course, my computer broke so Netflix was no longer an option; I had to resort to *gasps* CABLE TELEVISION.
Thanks to Twitter, I knew "The Bachelorette" had recently begun again, and out of pure desperation, I turned it on. It was mid-episode two, and the first person I saw was the infamous Chad, but at this point I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to like him. In summary, he talked about how he wasn’t going to gush over this girl he just met, unlike the others.
I loved him, considering he was the only real one there! And that’s where my will-power ended. I HAD to keep watching out of pure hope Chad would be the game changer, he was, but not the way I, or America, expected. So, here I am on Monday night, anxiously watching the episode before the finale, semi-hating myself. I present to you, the stages of watching "The Bachelorette" from a non-Bachelorette fan.
1. Utter disgust with the show.
How can you possibly find love in a matter of one season? How do you deal with the anxiety of making sure you chose the right person? She knows it’s fake, right? WHY DO PEOPLE WATCH THIS?
2. Hope for the future.
Okay so this guy points out you can’t fall in love that fast, he seems real, or, is he just saying that? Where the heck are men like this in real life? Why is the erectile dysfunction guy still here?
3. Slight attachment.
You turn on the show and know for the next two hours you’ll protest everything that happens, but you still hold your breath during the rose ceremony.
4. Considered entertainment.
Creepy Chad is kind of funny to watch week after week and you’ve taken a few wardrobe notes from Jojo, and some hair tips, and life advice…
5. Admitting you have a problem.
So, you’re three weeks from the finale, and you realize Monday nights are your favorite night of the week. Sad? Yes. Do you care at this point? No.
6. Total devotion.
Every Tuesday morning you go into work and immediately get to talking with the adorable older women of the office about the previous night’s episode. If anyone around you was half asleep, they’re awake now thanks to your yelling about how much you LOOOOOVVVEEEEE Luke. I mean come on, he’s perfection.
Will Jojo and Jordan last after the show? Probably not (don’t act surprised, we all know he’s got it in the bag), but all I’m concerned about is how I’m going to get back to my normal self. Experiment completed, you win ABC, I get why this show still exists, it’s so bad, it’s good, and there are too many people in this country with free two-hour periods on Friday nights. But hey, if Luke is ever in Missouri, help a girl out. Seriously.