How To Spot A Bad Friend

How To Spot A Bad Friend

Keep an eye out for those bringing you down.

Sometimes a friendship may feel like it has more downs than ups. It may feel very one sided and seem like you're really doing all the work that goes into keeping a friendship.

Keep an eye out for these things:

They only give non-apology apologies.

If you're hurt by something, they'll say things like "I'm sorry you feel that way", "I'm sorry you found out", where it should be "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings", "I'm sorry I said that".

They're never there when you need them.

You're there to answer the phone at any hour when they get upset about a boy that doesn't like them back, but when you reach out to them about a crisis you're having, they never seem to be around.

They don't make time for you.

A friendship is a two-way street. Even if it's having a fifteen minute coffee break together once a month, that one-on-one time is really crucial for a stable friendship. They say they "can't" fit you into their busy schedule. It's about making time, not having time.

You have to compete for their attention.

Group gatherings are hard, especially when it's the first time you've seen them in a while. You can't seem to get them to stick around for a short conversation; their attention always seems to drift away from you. If you are spending time together, they're much more focused on what's happening on their phone than what the two of you are doing.

They make your feelings seem invalid.

Everyone is entitled to have their own feelings. They'll put you down for being upset about something that "isn't a big deal" to them. Back to the non-apologies, they're more sorry that you took their words to heart than they are about saying them.

They judge you.

Whether it's what you're wearing, the person you're dating, or the activity you're involved in, they always seem to come up with something that just puts you down about it.

Friendships can be hard. If you find yourself in a bad friendship, stand up for yourself! Tell it like it is! You deserve so much better.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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Being The Last Friend To Turn 21 Isn't ALL Bad

All your friends have turned 21, but that is okay


You may think being the last one out of your friend group to turn twenty-one is the worst thing in the world, but in all honesty, it doesn't have to be. One of the biggest perks is that everyone of your friends can go out to the bars with you on your birthday. All the people who turn twenty-one first have to wait for people to be able to go out with them, but you get to celebrate your birthday with all of your friends.

Another huge reason you should feel okay with being last to turn twenty-one is thinking about all the money you are saving. The bars are expensive. When you don't go to the bars you are saving so much money because an average bar drink is about seven dollars. This being said seven dollars multiple times a night, multiple nights a week really adds up, so you are going to have to budget your money better.

You don't have to be the one to buy alcohol for everyone else. Having a ton of people ask you to buy them alcohol must get annoying at a point, and if you're the youngest out of your friends, no one will be asking you to do liquor store runs for them because they can all go already for themselves.

The biggest reason is that you can enjoy being young. You should still continue to enjoy going to house parties and just being able to hang out with friends without having to go to the bars. Spend these months before you turn twenty-one just being able to enjoy life without feeling obligated to go out to the bars all the time. You have a great excuse when you don't want to drink on a weekday to just stay in. This being said it will be your turn to turn twenty-one soon.


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