Welcome to the 24th iteration of this column. It also happens to coincide with Halloween times, which means SPOOPY ADVICE. I know you're excited, so let's get right to it, yo.

Amanda,

Tomorrow is Halloween and I'm trying to get a $3 burrito from Chipotle. I also have class all day. Have any ideas for a good costume that isn't ridiculous?

Costume-less Carl, Indiana University of Pennsylvania

Easy. Just dress up in your normal clothes for class. When they're over, or when you have a moment in-between, just grab some fake blood and put it all over your face. You could be Bloody Bloody Costume-less Carl or Zombie Carl or Carl Who Just Parted the Red Sea IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN *wink* The Chipotle people will appreciate your bloodiness, and you can scrub it off in the bathroom after acquiring your burrito. Win-win for you, Costume-less Carl who now has a costume.

Amanda,

How do I ensure I make out with someone this Halloweekend?

Thirsty Tina, University of I Need Someone's Face on Mine

I hope you got some mouth-to-mouth action since Halloweekend is over, but it's cool if you haven't. You are a strong, independent woman who don't need no man, and you do not need to make out with boys to validate your self-worth. Listen to Hailee Steinfield's "Love Myself" and make out with yourself in the mirror, because boys are the worst and you're better off solo. You are a cool glass of water, so drink up, Thirsty Tina.

Amanda,

HELP MY COSTUME INVOLVED GLITTER AND IT WON'T COME OFF MY BODY. IT'S ALL OVER MY FLOOR. HOW DO I GET RID OF IT?

GlitterProbs25, Millersville University

Hate to break it to you, GlitterProbs25, but you're going to have to burn your house down and light yourself on fire in order to get rid of the glitter. It was nice knowing you.

If you'd like bad guidance for your pressing personal problems, submit them here!