Lately I find myself, or rather my brain, in a constant whirlwind.
I haven't been able to shake the feeling that my life was one big merry-go-round that couldn't be stopped. When I was younger I used to play on the merry-go-round in Vidette. I can remember holding on for dear life, screaming at the top of my lungs while my sister spun me with all of her might.
Lately, I revert back to my former cotton-head self, holding on and screaming bloody murder.
During my first semester of my sophomore year at college I have been faced with many obstacles. I have seen many things that are ungodly, I have struggled with my statistics class, I've struggled with the realization that I have grown apart from some childhood friends & I have definitely seen the world from a different perspective.
back to the merry-go-round
Sometimes life is a lot like a merry-go-round. You may struggle to hang on, you may fall off, you might go too slow, or not quite fast enough. It might bring out a joyful laughter, a painful cry, or in my case [more often than not]--- a bloody murder scream.
I began to question why I have felt like I couldn't stop spinning. It's like no matter how hard I try, I keep going around in circles. My brain not even slowing down long enough for me to sleep at night.
center
I realized that the center of my merry-go-round needed improvement. MUCH IMPROVEMENT.
For weeks I have let bad grades, sins of the college world, and missing friends consume my merry-go-round. I have prayed [but not like I have been taught to],
I can't stop thinking about how much I miss my friends from home and how much I think about the good ole days.
and I have been mad at myself for receiving subpar grades [maybe there is room for improving my study habits]
I have failed in all of the above categories [and many more] because of one thing.
Jesus has not been the center of my merry-go-round.
I have failed, fallen, become frustrated, and angry believing that I had done everything to prevent failure; when indeed, I had not done the one thing that mattered most. I had not centered myself around Jesus.
I realized that I could look to Jesus for comfort. I could count on Him to give me the strength to get through statistics, overlook the college lifestyle, and comfort me when I missed my friends and family from home.
If God is the center of my merry-go-round then I will have peace with my brain and my thoughts.
It is today that I plan to move forward. Today, Jesus is the one who picks the spin cycle of my merry-go-round.
The world behind me, the cross before me.
xoxo
Roz
