Setting: Library. Constant shuffling of pages can be heard in the background. We can hear the squeaky wheel of a book cart being shoved around by a middle-aged librarian (Blue Librarian) that has been recently oiled so the screech is much quieter, yet it returns every couple of seconds to remind you nothing can ever be perfect.
Scene 1
Narrator: Welcome back to the Adventures of Miranda Turner, Teenage Psychic. Last week Miranda discovered that her stepmother was actually a parrot under a spell, proving that two birds of a feather flock together. But who was it that left a birdseed trail into the labyrinth? Answers to that question and more in today’s episode: Spines of Paper, Spines of Wine! We join Miranda once again in the stacks of Kingsville Library, looking for a specially requested book by a patron of the library…
Miranda (to herself): But it just doesn’t add up. No parrot her size could leave such a long trail, the bag had to be at least five pounds. Anyway, where is this book? I’ve never been in this section before.
The loud footsteps of army combat boots can be heard in the cavernous library.
Red Librarian: Talking to ourselves again, Miranda? You are just like your grandmother. Be careful, one day your head will float away just like hers did.
Miranda: I hope it’s not before Terrence finally gets you. I’ve heard creative fiction readers have very pointy teeth.
Red Librarian: You may have the genes to be a librarian here but it takes more than book smarts, kid.
The sound of a can full of rice being kicked rings, hollow. The Red Librarian audibly sweats.
Red Librarian: Someday, you’ll learn. Maybe.
The Red Librarian goes running off. Terrence is on her trail. Miranda continues to pick up books and putting them back on the shelf.
Miranda: Such a curious title, Spines of Paper, Spines of Wine. Author’s name sounds Norwegian.
Green Librarian: Sløëberg, correct?
Miranda: Ah! I didn’t see you there, Green.
Green Librarian: No one does.
Miranda: I can’t seem to find this book, though. I’ve looked everywhere in this aisle. Must be a mistake in the system.
Green Librarian: I’m certain we have it; I read it a couple of weeks ago. The ending is quite terrible. But none of Sløëberg’s books make any sense. They usually end by disregarding conventions of the genre completely, leading to mass confusion and sometimes heartburn.
Miranda: That sounds stupid.
Green Librarian: It is. You must go check with Blue, she will most likely know of its whereabouts.
Miranda: Isn’t there an easier way? Blue always seems frustrated when I visit her.
Green Librarian: It’s just temporary, darling. You know it takes a long time for her to digest her meals.
Miranda: I know… Alright.
Miranda heads to the Librarian Office. As she enters she sees Blue Librarian on a pile of clams. Feeding time is soon.
Scene 2
Miranda shyly enters the Office. It’s too early.
Blue Librarian: What are you looking for, child?
Miranda: I can’t seem to find this special request book. It’s by Sløburgg?
Blue Librarian: Be direct or the world will never be. If it is the book I’m thinking of you should be able to find it here.
Blue Librarian passes Miranda a letter which smells faintly of the Indian Ocean. Miranda begins to read the letter.
Miranda: Through the aisles of the Library at Alexandria there existed a different dimension, one created solely of human intention. One day there was a scroll nailed unto the door. It read: “When we get back the books will be gone. Do not fear because the only volume you need can be found here.” There was a small hatch underneath the scroll. Once opened it revealed a post-it note saying: “The letter read: ‘Here once again, a book for the ages.’”
Narrator: And that concludes today’s episode of Miranda Turner, Teenage Psychic! Did Miranda actually find anything? When will any of these stories begin to make sense? Who knows.
