"Take it from me," I told a wide-eyed customer who would be entering her first year of college in the fall, "I've learned a lot of things the hard way."

I couldn't tell her all of the lessons that I've learned in the short transaction. I wouldn't be able to recount all of the tales of times I've embarrassed myself, learned of the true character of others, or the shortcuts and little victories I've stumbled upon along the way. Chances are, I'll never see her again, despite how there are a growing list of things that I would tell her if I had the opportunity to treat her as if she were myself three years in the past.

I would tell her to be patient and kind with others, even if others wish to be harsh, impatient and demeaning. I learned the hard way that many people who act this way do so because of some deficit in their own lives. Patience, kindness, and compassion are strengthening behaviors. I learned the hard way that facing life with an attitude consisting of these core values is the only way to ultimately encourage these virtues to become themes in my life.

I would tell her to never speak against anyone else. I learned the hard way that it only reflects on the way that you look to others. I would tell her that the worst revenge on someone who has wronged you is to remove them from your mind, and keep them out of the words you speak. This is how you take away a hurtful person's relevance.

I would tell her to loosen up, and to be gentle with herself. I learned the hard way that life isn't supposed to be perfect, nor is it supposed to be too serious. I'd tell her to learn to laugh at her mistakes and all of the little insignificant happenings that go on in her day. I'd tell her to go wherever the wind takes her, and to realize that we have no control over anything. All our lives really are is a giant game of chance. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose.

I would tell her to be honest with herself. I learned the hard way that whenever you pretend you are something you are not, it takes you further from who you are. I'd tell her that if she keeps trying to deny her mistakes and shortcomings, they will never improve. You have to learn to work through your problems in order to grow, and there is nothing wrong with that.

I would tell her to live a healthy lifestyle. I learned the hard way that chips, candy, and soda are delicious... in moderation. Food and exercise have a bigger impact on your health than you may believe.

I would tell her to do what is best for her. I learned the hard way that if you allow people to walk all over you, you will only ever be a doormat. There is a reason why on airplanes the flight attendants instruct you to put on your own oxygen mask before you help with someone else's. It's not selfish to care for your own needs before you extend your help to others...it's necessary.

There are many more lessons that I would teach her, and many more that I have yet to learn the hard way. Sometimes lessons are best learned just like that.

Peace.

Sarah