With the impending New Year comes a time of great revelry and socially acceptable attempts to drown your sorrows in alcohol. Here's some shots that will hopefully wipe the entire year from your memory, heartbreak by heartbreak.
(Note: the author of this article is a 19 year old honor-roll nerd who has never tasted alcohol. This list was composed via guesswork and google. Please drink responsibly)
1. Zika, Ebola, etc.
As humans become more global it becomes increasingly clear that a plague is going to wipe us all out, Planet of the Apes style.
To make the Plague Shake, mix green apple liqueur with dashes of chocolate liqueur and drops of grenadine. Take a shot reminiscent of various bodily fluids to make the most of the time you have left.
2. Harambe's Death
Pour one out for the icon of a generation, then down this shot.
Soak banana Laffy Taffy in vodka overnight. Shake that with chocolate liquor to create the Funky Monkey (RIP edition).
3. Brexit
Take a shot of Regrexit in remembrance of the absolute political and financial chaos engulfing the United Kingdom.
Mix German beer, French wine, English Gin, Polish vodka, and Spanish sherry in a shaker. Pour out a shot, and then try to remove the gin with a spoon.
4. Bernie Dropping Out
Surprisingly, there is an actual recipe from the man himself that can help you commemorate the turning point of the election. Sip this while contemplating how thoroughly we are done for.
The Bernie Paloma, according to FoodandWine.com:
1/2 oz. Vermont maple syrup
1/2 oz. fresh lime juice
2 oz. fresh grapefruit juice
2 oz. silver tequila
Garnish: “salt air,” which is sea salt, lime juice, water and Sucro, emulsified with a hand blender.
5. Lives Matter
In honor of the Black Lives Matter movement, all the violence and struggles they go through, and the pain of the black community, take a shot of Fou-Dre Vodka, produced by a black-owned company. To absolutely disregard the existence of racism pour that out and replace it with some blue curacao.
6. Rio Olympics
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In honor of the disgusting water at the Rio Olympics, pour a glass of blue curacao, then muddle it with green apple vodka, and tip in some pineapple juice for good measure to make a Phelps Puddle.
7. Clowns
2016 was the year the film It decided to come to life. In honor of the terrified children across the nation and the cops who had to deal with clown hysteria, down a Bozo.
Pour blue curacao into a shotglass, followed by a bit of pineapple juice. Top with whipped cream and a cherry. Whimsical sprinkles optional.
8. Celebrity Deaths
Hoo boy. Ok. You could do a Purple Rain shot for Prince. This article suggests that The New Bee's Knee's has the same motto as Mohammed Ali. Star Wars cocktails for Carrie Fisher, or Kenny Baker, the actor who play R2D2? Here's an entire list of David Bowie cocktails. Do you want Willy Wonka cocktails for Gene Wilder? How about some Tequila Mockingbird for Harper Lee? A drink invented by Leonard Cohen himself, perhaps. If you're still standing, wrap up with Harry Potter cocktails for Alan Rickman,
9. Donald Trump Becomes The President-Elect
Take a shot of the nearest drink. Take another. Never stop taking shots.
Happy New Year!
