According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of apologizing is to express regret and remorse for wronging another person. To apologize is to rectify a wrong and promise not to do it again. So I ask myself, why do I say “I’m sorry” when I bump into someone in the hall? Or someone gets a bad grade? Or my friend forgot her headphones and I don’t have any to offer? No wrong has been done and I am most definitely going to do these things again because I do not feel remorse for them, and nor should I. I am not expressing regret by saying that I am sorry.
By saying that I am sorry for bumping into someone in the hall, I am apologizing for being a human being that has a three-dimensional body that takes up space. I have not done the person any wrong. I simply misstepped and that is not something I should feel remorse for. We do not have to apologize for existing. A better way to acknowledge the situation as well as the other person is to simply say “excuse me.” We can recognize another person’s presence as well as our own by simply excusing ourselves instead of apologizing for being there. By saying “excuse me,” we are giving ourselves and those around us permission to be there, because being present is not something to feel remorse about.
I feel that we use the phrase “I’m sorry” to express sympathy for another person when they don’t get the grade they wanted or are feeling a little down even if we haven’t wronged them ourselves. For as common as this is, it is actually quite strange. We do not need to apologize for something we did not do to show sympathy and connect with someone who is unhappy. Rather, we can tell them exactly what we mean and say, “I sympathize with you,” or, “Let me know if there is anything that I can do,” or, “I am sad to hear you are not doing well.”
While the phrase “I’m sorry” may seem harmless as it is almost always used for benevolent purposes, its overuse can actually be damaging. By using the phrase repeatedly, we dilute its meaning so that when we really have wronged another person and do feel remorse for our actions, the words don’t seem to accomplish what we want them to. “I’m sorry” seems to lose its meaning and strength because of apologies said not because of regret, but because of sympathy. We need to acknowledge that “I’m sorry” is not a phrase that should be used all the time, but should be reserved for the times we truly want to apologize to rectify our own wrongdoings.
I challenge you to substitute an “I’m sorry” for an “excuse me” or an “I sympathize with you” to acknowledge your own right to be as well as preserve the meaning of an overused phrase and save if for a time when you truly want to convey an apology.
