Dear Ex-Best Friend,

You don't know how much I miss you. We haven't talked in over a year and I can still remember the way your voice sounded the last time we said goodbye. I know that you probably don't care what I have to say but I need closure. Why wasn't I enough for you?

I can't help but sit here and run every single scenario through my head wonder when our bond snapped. I can't help but offer up the chance to start over and to create a bond much stronger than before. I can't help but want to beg for my best friend to be mine again.

Even if I never become more than someone that you can just talk to when you're bored, I'm completely okay with just being a part of your life. I can be as miniscule as an acquaintance to a celebrity, but all I ask is that I no longer be a stranger.

I just want you to know that I think about you every single day. I can't even explain why I haven't moved on yet. I tried so hard for the first few months to hate you for leaving me the way you did. I talked badly about you to anyone who would listen in the hopes that they would help me hate you. Every time you would cross my mind, I would tell myself that you weren't worth the heart ache or the constant anxiety. I was wrong. I was so wrong. You were completely worth every ounce of my broken-hearted defeat and you still are.

I'm not writing this to make you feel like you did anything wrong. You had every single right to stop being friends with me and you owe me absolutely nothing. I just want to know what goes through your mind. I see that you're happy in your relationship and that you've been hanging out with your new best friend more lately. How are thing with your mom? Even though I am not the one who will be there to hold it together for you, I still wish you the best.

I think of you often. You took this shy, quiet, mess of a human and turned me into something that I can sit here and be completely proud of. Without you around, I have more sad and self-conscious days then you could ever imagine. You were like a staple. You held together these pages of me and you made me beautiful. When you left, I scattered. I became a stack of paper tossed out of a moving vehicle. I'm still trying so hard to collect all of myself.

I'm trying so hard to be strong and happy because I know that's all you ever wanted for me. I'm trying my best to prove myself to someone that I only ever made excuses for. I'm trying.

My temper has gotten worse without you. I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone anymore because I've become so scared they will leave. I know that I did you wrong time and time again. I know that I upset you with the sting of my words, but you don't know how often I sit in my room at night and think about what went wrong.

I can only imagine the pain you felt inside when you decided that I wasn't good for you anymore. I'm so sorry for making you feel anything but the love and happiness that you deserve. I'm so sorry for not understanding that you were only looking out for me. I'm so sorry for breaking your heart. I wonder if you're sorry for breaking mine, too.

You were worth all of it. Every argument, every disagreement, and every time I had to be the bad guy because of you. You were worth fighting for. I'm still ready to fight for you every day. I have accepted that you don't need me anymore, but I'll never be able to cope with the fact that I still need you. You still hold more of my secrets than anyone. I want to thank you for reaching out when someone told you that I wasn't okay. I want to thank you for showing me what I deserve in a best friend.

Thank you get helping me decide to do theatre for 4 years. Thank you for being my anchor when I was nervous before I went on stage. Thank you for always loving me - especially when I didn't deserve it. Thank you for making me happy and for being the most amazing friend that I have ever met. Thank you for never being afraid to tell me about the boys who were mean because you knew I would protect you. Thank you for being the best big sister ever and for being my North star. Thank you for dancing with me at the most random times and for holding me when I was ready to break down.

I love you so much and I care about you more than you will ever know. I guess I can only hope that you still care for me too. Thank you for giving me a reason to hold on. I wouldn't have made it to my Sophomore year without you. You saved my life and at times it can be hard for me to admit it, but I still need you.

You will always hold a special place in my heart whether you like it or not. I love and miss you so much. I hope you're doing well and that you follow your dreams and make it big one day. When all else fails, know that I love you and that my arms are always open and ready for your embrace.

Always yours,

Your Ex-Best Friend