Existential crises can be hard: One minute you're watching a cat video, and next thing you know, you're on the ground clutching the nearest object because you've realized that you've wasted hours of your life watching the same video of kittens sitting on a pillow and you could have used that time to get a real job or fix your resume. Have no fear, stranger reading this on the Internet! Here's a nice playlist for the soundtrack to your life that you can play to help alleviate/aggravate the next existential crisis you have. All songs can be found here on this cool Spotify playlist I made just for this article!
1. "Store"- Carly Rae Jepsen
This song is literally about going to the store/shooping. Any person in a normal state of mine would be like, "Wtf," but since you're miserable and don't want to ponder deep song lyrics, this is perfect. It's catchier than gonorrhea on a co-ed dorm room floor, and you can't be sad listening to synthesizers. CRJ is the queen of making simple jams that make you want to dance and not think about how you should have gotten that New Yorker subscription while it was discounted for the holidays so you could have gotten the free tote bag that comes with subscribing, and how your life would be so much better with said tote bag.
2. "Doses & Mimosas"- Cherub
What are the two terrible things people do that they shouldn't when they're sad? Drugs and alcohol, duh! Hence why this song is on this list. Also, it sounds like a song you hear in a Forever 21 or H&M, and, depending on how you feel about those stores/shopping in general, your crisis will go away/get worse. It's also filled with angst! And beeps and boops! Just a GR8 song to dance-cry to (dance-cry [v.]: to dance and cry at the same time as to not let the existential dread set in, get @ me, Oxford English Dictionary). Extra credit if you dose and mimose while listening to this song.
3. "Everybody Hurts"-R.E.M.
For some reason, humans really enjoy listening to sad songs while they're sad. Maybe it's because we're all masochists. But anyway, this song is really sad, and it describes how we can't be happy all the time, which is good! Grab some chocolate and tissues, think about your ex that is dating someone with a really great professional website with her own personal domain name while you're rocking the "name.weebly.com." One day, you'll want to shell out $5 a month for a fancy website name. One day. See also: "Losing My Religion," because it's literally about questioning your life, duh!
4. "Sad Song"- Elton John
This song is upbeat, but it's about being sad; it's the perfect song to think about life but also not? Also, who doesn't love Elton John?
5. "What Now"- Rihanna
This is a song you sing at karaoke night when you've had to much to drink and you just want to roll around on the floor and experience a catharsis while you get tangled in the mic cord and your friends end up having to drag you out of the bar before they kick you out for being a singing hot mess.
6. "Emotion"- Carly Rae Jepsen
Oops, another CRJ jam. This song mentions drinking tequila, like, once and is called "Emotion." It may be about being in love and not knowing to do with it, but, considering existential crises happen because you don't know what to do with your feelings, and tequila is like a reset button for your brain, I felt it was apropos to include. Also literally this entire album is filled with bops and deserves some recognition.
7. "Be Alright"- Ariana Grande
Just adding this song because it's called "Be Alright" and you're going to be fine and this song is also a JAM.
8. "Runaway"- Kanye West
THIS SONG IS JUST REALLY GOOD if you don't like what I'm putting in this playlist then fight me in the parking lot. Bring your fists.
9. "Cry Baby"- CeeLo Green
Are you seeing a reoccurring theme here that I'm putting a bunch of great songs that I really like that kind of pertain to the title of this playlist? Also this whole album (The Lady Killer) is just *kisses fingertips and tosses it away like all Italian chefs/French waiters do in movies whenever something is delicious* See also: "It's OK" off the same album.
10. "Isn't She Lovely"- Stevie Wonder
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE SAD LISTENING TO THIS SONG AND YOU ARE A LOVELY PERSON AND THIS TOO, SHALL PASS.
So the next time you regret all of your life choices after eating an block of cheese like a granola bar after too many glasses of Barefoot pink Moscato, put on this playlist and remember that we're all kind of bumbling around trying to figure out this weird thing called life.
