As I write this, I'm sitting at midnight, in my college dorm room, sleep deprived, stressed, and overwhelmed by the craziness and inconvenience of life.The depressing headlines of the recent news and the noise of the busy life that seems to pick up the pace everyday, are completely overwhelming, and It feels like I'm always falling behind. It feels like I've been gone from my family for forever and the only thing on my mind is the singular and almost all consuming desire to get home and also to go to sleep. You know that feeling right? The burning passion to go home and wrap your arms around your family? There is truly nothing quite like homecoming especially for an out of state college student. I count the days on my calendar to when I can drive into the rocky gravel next to my cinderblock farmhouse, and then have my swarm of siblings wrap me in a giant and almost breath constraining hug. But as I sit weary and somehow restless on the carpet floor glancing at my computer screen, I remember that God rarely works in ways that are comfortable or easy.

Can He? Sure.

Does He? Sometimes?

But more often than not, the times in my life that shape my character, refine my skills,and transform my heart aren't what I would call good times.The times that make me more thankful, more gracious, and more loving aren't enjoyable times. Almost everyone wants to be considered gracious or loving, but how many of us want to suffer so much that they have opportunities to grow in grace and love? Not many of us are apt to sign up for seasons of pain, sorrow and grief. Few of us are likely to volunteer to wade in to rivers of loss and taste the fires of scorn and rejection.

So as I sit staring at the mountain high pile of laundry that needs to be folded and the homework piled on my desk, I am faced with quite the dilemma. I have a choice before me. I could make the easy choice. I could rail against the unfairness of all homework piled up. I could moan and whine about my midterms, complain about how busy my schedule is and how I simply have no time to accomplish my never ending to do list and disdainfully complain about our professors lack of consideration in the timing of their test dates and coordination with each other; or I can take a step back from it all.

Take a long deep breath in and out. I could do the impossible.

I could take the narrow road by His grace alone. I can take a road marked with suffering, inconvenience, and pain that ultimately leads to life because of the goodness and sovereignty of God. I can mediate on His promise that all things are worked together to be made beautiful for my good and for His glory. This seemingly endless and meaningless struggle and inconvenience, might just be the movement of the Spirit to grow kindness and patience in my heart.

I don't like to think that way, and I bet that you don't either, It's hard to comprehend. It's complicated for me to reconcile a God that would work through horrific pain. It's tough for me to trust a God that allows suffering and inconvenience not only in my life, but in the world. As much as I'd like to naively and mindlessly promise myself that God's desire is to make life for us easy, that's not how He works. If anything Jesus uses dark colors when He paints. He's into streams in the desert, light out of darkness, beauty from ashes, and life out of death.

If you still aren't convinced than look at the cross. Cruxification was historically known for being one of the most agonizing, painful and brutal ways to die. The Romans saved it for the worst of the worst of criminals, specifically foreigners as roman citizens were typically considered above such torment and humiliation. And yet as we look to the cross, this picture of God redeeming the horror and injustice of the world to grace becomes a little clearer. The Roman symbol of death and ultimate humiliation was key for the ransom of creation, the bridging of the gulf between God and man. The cross is the ultimate testament to our souls that God reconciles beauty from pain.

Grace out of Suffering.

Beauty from Ashes.

Art of Chaos.

So as we trust Christ, and this miraculous work of Calvary's hill, we can be assured that God is still good and actively doing good even in the midst of the weight of the shadows of life. If anything, that is when God is doing the most good because that is when the most grace is cultivated in me.

So I'm still homesick. I'm still stressed. I'm uncomfortable and overwhelmed,but if this is the path that God has called me to, than God, don't stop.

God, break and mold me in the midst of the chaos.

In the midst of the struggle and the insanity, let your will be done in me.

God, you may be a mystery, but you are good.

Your plans may be hard for me to understand, but they can always be trusted.

This may be barren place in my life, but you are the midst of this desert.

17 When the poor and needy seek water,
and there is none,
and their tongue is parched with thirst,
I the Lord will answer them;
I the God of Israel will not forsake them.
18 I will open rivers on the bare heights,
and fountains in the midst of the valleys.
I will make the wilderness a pool of water,
and the dry land springs of water.