I want to be held.
For a long while,
Longer than anyone is willing.
Maybe longer than anyone is capable.
Long enough to fall asleep and wake again.
Long enough to heal.

I’d like to hear your heartbeat steadily enough that even my own sounds foreign.
If I could memorize your smell,
I would find a way to show it to you.
I’d make you understand how comforting it is to hear you
Quote “The Big Bang Theory”,
Sitting uncomfortably next to me in a booth at Denny’s.

I thought it should be easier than this.

But nothing with me has ever been easy.
I wanted things to be easy for you.
With or without me.
I wanted you to know joy.
I thought we could help each other discover it.
That was impossible.
You made it impossible.
Maybe I did.

Vulnerability is not an option anymore.
But for you, I wanted to try.
I hoped you’d teach me,
But looking back,
I don’t think you know how either.
We wanted all the same things with such intensity that we made them impossible to achieve.

Or maybe it wasn’t that at all.
Maybe I expected too much without giving up any of myself in return.
I must’ve been selfish with my love.

None of it matters anymore.I thought we could catch fire.

I knew we would burn out.
I never believed I’d be the friend everyone talks about
Saying
“She’s a perfectly nice, pretty girl. I don’t know why she hasn’t found anyone,”

I always believed in fairy tales.