Why do we stay with people who don't give us what we need?
Why do we continue to keep people around when they're emotionally unavailable, dishonest and lack communication skills?
Why do we break our own hearts when the other person probably couldn't care less about losing us?
As someone who's been writing for Odyssey for almost 2 years, I can tell that us writers are truly great people with big hearts, which isn't something you see in people very often anymore.
However, I've learned people with big hearts have to be a little more careful when we bring people into our lives.
We have a tendency to view things as they should be, not as they actually are.
We tend to project our own good characteristics onto people who don't possess any of our same qualities because, for us, it's hard to come to terms with the fact that some people just won't care about us no matter how much we wish they would.
So why do we stick with people who have proven they can't give us what we need, even if it means we'll ultimately be unsatisfied?
We wouldn't even do that with food!
For example, let's say you've been hard-core craving a McFlurry, but you accidentally go to the wrong restaurant (Whataburger.)
You order a McFlurry, and they tell you they don't serve McFlurries at their establishment. What are you going to do in response?
Will you pick a fight with the employee? Will you beg them to make you a McFlurry even when they can't?
Will you fret over their inability to give you what you want, or will you thank them for their time and go to the place that can give you a McFlurry?
You could just settle for a milkshake since you're already there, but you'll be unsatisfied in the end.
Relationships are the exact same way. All of us have chosen the wrong friends, the wrong significant other or the wrong workplace. That's how we figure out what we need from others and what we should stay away from.
I've been guilty of bringing people into my life that showed me time and time again they didn't care about me the way I needed to be cared about, but I kept them around anyways because I was too optimistic.
However, I vow to change this. I love the people in my life, but I love myself more.
From now on, when someone comes into your life that won't give you what you need, will you pick a fight with them? Will you beg them to care about you, be honest with you, communicate with you and support you when they obviously can't?
Will you fret over their inability to provide you with emotional availability, or will you thank them for your time and find someone that can and will be what you need?
You could just settle for who you have now since it's easier, but you'll be unsatisfied in the end.
Don't forget that you come first.