...And sometimes she wakes up like this frustrated, sad, and oh so lonely. She'll vividly remember brief moments of intimacy. Those tender kisses, affectionate touches, and the loving moments she knew nothing about but desperately craved. She'll read and watch the scenes play out for people better than herself. People that are happy, people that found someone to share time with, to care for, and to listen. She wanted it all. She wanted someone she could trust, someone she could talk to, someone who cared.
She wanted someone who wouldn't balk at the very thought of her. She wanted someone to see her beyond what her body could show. She wanted...what did she want? All she knew was that she wanted something she might never have. She'd push those thoughts away as much as she could but then there were mornings like this mornings that were frustrating, sad, and oh so lonely.
That's when she calls the one person she knows she shouldn't. He isn't good for her and she knows it's wrong but at least for a little while it'll feel good. She won't feel so frustrated or so sad at least for the moment. He's a quick fix but it's all she has. Who could ever want her besides the desperate? She's just too cold and calloused for people. Her walls might have served a purpose at one time to protect a little girl from getting hurt. But now a woman is suffering because she never knew how to talk, how to smile, or how to just...be.
People say she's strange and they don't understand her. She's full rage but not in anger. Her emotions tangled in a ball of confusion. Who is she supposed to be? Why wont people accept her? Too many questions and she can't even answer. Instead she gets up and walks in circles trying to find something that gives her purpose but can't ignore that she feels worthless. GOD!!!
She calls him but he won't come today. He's too busy not that she can complain. He isn't even hers. She sits back down and see's the world around. Everyone seems so happy. A tear trickles from one eye and that's all she'll allow for now. She won't let others see her down...