I've always valued how well I know myself.
I feel like that is directly related to me never being in a serious relationship. There are times when that can be frustrating, but in a way, it's helped me see my self-worth. I'm never forced to see myself through the eyes of someone else. I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone but myself. It's made me more independent than I think I could ever be otherwise, and that's helped me get where I want to be.
There's still a chance that I could meet all my goals if I wasn't on my own, but I haven't gone as far as to figure that out. I'm at a point now where I want everything I involve myself in to have a permanent, or at least lasting, impact on my life. Because I'm not in a place I want to be forever, or even five years from now, I don't want any attachments.
I can't find a partner in a place I have no connections to.
My college town is great for what I need it for, but I'm only in it so I can get what I need to get out. I could waste time experimenting and having "fun," but I don't want to. I'd rather be in a place mentally and physically where I'm ready. Anything else would just be a variable that could play a role in me figuring out my future. I can't risk anything, or anyone, holding me back.
I get a lot of different reactions when people get to know that about me. Some people find that annoying, and others have been jealous of my mindset. It's all about perspective, and I have to see it in hindsight even though I'm in the present. My friends know I have this crazy standard for permanence. They know I'm passionate about other things that affect me more now.
I had never felt pressured to speed up the process or do things I'm morally against. But then I was told to lower my standards of a forever and a future.
It was like I'd never had a shot at that anyway, so I could just give up. It was a way of telling me I'm not good enough. I never doubted that before. I know my needs, and even when there are times when I want love from another person, I know it's just because I'm not giving enough of it to myself.
It made me feel terrible that someone would tell me to lower my standards or try to convince me I don't know what I need. When the truth is, I have everything I need. I'd never expected anyone to adopt this mindset I have. No one really had to understand it either. I had just hoped people would respect my values. I put them in place for a reason.
The reason being, I'm too good for anything temporary.
I don't want to give up parts of myself if there's not a chance at it being forever. As good as a relationship sounds, I know it couldn't last. I would feel like I was wasting my time or that it would hold me back. I know myself better than I could ever know anything. And I know that standards are meant to be high, or else they wouldn't be standards at all.