Well, it’s that time of the semester again. Somehow it feels like we barely just got past the last finals season, but here we are again because time is a cruel and unforgiving mistress we cannot control. Once again, we stand on the precipice of dozens of tests (all cumulative, probably), term papers (that you definitely just remembered to write) and unyielding stress that doesn’t even seem to let up when you’re finally able to get some desperately needed sleep (gotta love stress nightmares). Once again, we’re here at the beginning of the end, looking down a dark tunnel that you already know gets way worse before it gets better.
If you’re anything at all like me, these next few weeks are going to be pure hell. Not just because of approaching deadlines and having to set aside hours of your day to study for something you can never be prepared for, but because you’re a Procrastinator. You aren’t just “someone who procrastinates,” you are a capital “P” Procrastinator, a title you could put on a business card (if it didn’t deter people from hiring you, of course).
As a professional Procrastinator, I personally have no clue as to how I have made it as far as I have and somehow continue to make it. Like, it is baffling to me how, despite the months I will spend avoiding things, I nearly always get it done (at this point I can think of nothing other than divine intervention). It’s almost worse this way, though, because then it’s like I never learn not to procrastinate because there’s basically no consequences. I never learn because I never suffer any real repercussions because ultimately it always gets done. And isn’t that just the mantra of serial procrastinators: “It always gets done.” Even if you spend so much time in the library that you forget what your own bedroom looks like, pull several all-nighters in a row and pump caffeine into your veins through an IV, it will get done.
You would think that after all my experience as a Procrastinator, I would have tips for dealing with it or handling it, but unfortunately, I've got nothing. In fact, I’m not really sure anyone has solutions. Even if you scour the deep recesses of the Internet, you’ll probably only come across tips to help you stop procrastinating altogether, which are kind of unhelpful in my opinion.
At this point in my life, I’m pretty sure that I’m just too set in my ways. I don’t need tips to help me stop procrastinating; it’s inevitable and unavoidable. What I actually need are tips to help me keep it together once I am already beyond the point of no return, tips to help me make it through a night of mental anguish trapped in a swirling abyss of everything I haven’t done. So far the only thing that seems to work for me is telling myself not to panic and promptly panicking anyway.
As a college student coming upon finals, what I need now more than ever is helpful suggestions like this. I am crying out for some solutions, some answers, anything at all. So somebody better step up and figure it out because I’m certainly not gonna do it. I’ll be swamped for the next couple weeks playing catch-up, slowly crawling out of the hole I have dug for myself. So, hurry, please. It's pretty dark in here.
