Please don't think I am weird when I silently sit and wait for a conversation to start up. If I tried to start up the conversation my anxiety would skyrocket. Please don't give me weird looks if I quietly listen in on your loud conversations as a way to feel less awkward. Please don't get mad when I don't know what to say in response to your question. Please don't get upset when I can't talk to you about my feelings. Please don't get mad when I tell you to make all the decisions.
It's not that I want you to make all the decisions, it's just that I really have no preference and I don't want you to settle for my random draw of the hat. Please remember that your reaction fuels the fear of not being normal.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please don't make me talk to the pizza guy on the phone, it stresses me out. I know they won't judge me, but I still have trouble doing it. Please just let my incorrect dinner order slide, speaking to the waitstaff about it gives me anxiety. I don't want to make them mad or think of me as picky. Please don't make me go to social events and expect me to socialize well. I don't do well in areas of communicating with strangers. Please don't question why I'd rather stay in bed in my room than make plans with new people. I prefer a routine.
Dear Future Lovers,
Please be patient with me, I don't know what to do. I'm not well experienced and need big hints to fully understand what you want. Please be slow with me, going too fast freaks me out. Just ask and I'll tell you. Please be open and honest with me, I respond better to direct questions. If you want to know something ask, I have no problem opening up when I know what to talk about.
Please don't be afraid to ask me anything. I am more comfortable when you start the talking. Please just wait for my walls to come down, I will open up and blossom into the fun weirdo Just give me time. Please don't hate me when I can't tell you about my feelings, I want to, I just don't know how to form the words.
You want answers and I can give you some. I am socially awkward and I know that. I would rather stay in my room, in my bed, than go out and meet new people. I have to prepare myself when I order food over the phone because I'm afraid I won't understand them. When restaurants get my order wrong, I eat it anyway rather than have them fix it. When I go out with friends I'm the most easygoing person ever. You want to go here? Okay. You want that kind of food? Done. You want me to pick? Um, well, I don't know. I sit in my room and read and watch TV while munching on snacks and wait for others to make the first move.
I keep to myself when I don't know what to do. I don't know how to start difficult conversations and I don't know what to say. I don't know how to express my emotions around other people, my family included. I learned that writing is my way of expression. Doing things that aren't in my comfort zone gives me anxiety and discomfort to the point where I isolate myself in a room of people. So please, a message to all, understand that we socially awkward few are trying our best. We just need to find a way to connect to you.
Yes, I am socially awkward, but I am still me, it just takes a little time and effort to find that out.