Congratulations! You’re here for reason. You clicked on this hoping for some sort of advice on how to get past your devastatingly awkward habits and tactics when it comes to talking. Yes, talking. Human nature, they say. Wrong, I say. Sometimes you can’t help but feel you’re the eye and the world’s the tiger. That made no sense, but let’s roll with it, because that's step #1.
Step 1: Roll with it.
You noticed that too, didn’t you? That as soon as you walked up to your classmate, let’s call him Bill, well Bill just seemed to have gotten back from the gym. And Bill reeks. He reeks like rotten eggs. Now, do you say “Bill, what the heck were you thinking coming to class without showering? You smell horrible.” No, you don’t say that. Not unless you want Bill to use those muscles he’s growing on your face instead of on the machine. You’ve gotta roll with it. Say, “Hey, Bill, how’s it going?” and move on. This is a highly important step because there is always a Bill who either smells or has some other tick that makes you uncomfortable. Now you’ll sail right past him. Febreze in hand.
Step 2: Steady your footing.
For heaven’s sake, Horatio, try to stop fidgeting. When your right foot continuously crosses in front and then behind your left and in front again in a sorry attempt to … make it look like you need to use the bathroom? I’m not sure why we all seem to think this is a smart move, but it’s not. First and foremost, keep the feet still. Happy feet can remain in the Disney movie and not in your shoes. But in all seriousness, you got this!
Step 3: Make eye contact.
Currently, you have decided to roll with it, and stand still for a minute or two. Next, you need to make sure that you are looking at your target. That big, juicy piece of meat in front of you. Can you tell I’m hungry? I always am. Now I’d like you to take that piece of meat analogy and tame it down a bit. No more violence. The human in front of you is kind, sweet, and worthy of your attention. It’s time to let them know that. And if you’re staring them down like a steak with a wide craze in your eyes, or you’re staring at your shoes like you’re unsure of yourself, let’s change that. I believe in you, grasshopper.
Step 4: The Hands.
It’s hard, I know. What on Earth to do with them? THE HANDS. What’s most important with these babies is to use them properly. Don’t attempt to mimic the man you see on 5th Street, painted in gold and attempting to be a statue. Furthermore, it might not be best to use them so much that those around you question if you need assistance or are in an emergency situation. Try to keep them in a natural, open position, and be sure to be comfortable. Use them to gesture and add excitement to what you’re saying by casually opening and closing your posture with them and signaling when appropriate. I typically signal people in the wrong direction without realizing until after the fact. Don’t make that mistake, either.
Step 5: Embrace the Silence with a Smile.
I know, I know. Those awkward pauses that seem to happen more to you than anyone else … they’re just too real. But don’t fear, my friend. It’s only natural when speaking to Juan that you’re going to encounter moments where one of you is not verbally speaking. That is entirely normal. Don’t freak out and fill in the pause with a random catch phrase like I have in the past – “Welp, weather’s in trouble! Birds eye view, ain’t it? Grass ain’t looking greener now! My arms are sweating like a bullets!” Oh, believe me, they’ve all occurred with frequency. Instead, it’s okay to simply smile and pause the conversation for a moment. Take a sip of the coffee in your hand, glance around you, laugh a bit, and keep a happy look on your face. No one will ever know what you just did.
Step 6: Congratulate Yourself.
With these few tips, you’ll now be able to transfer your natural awkward tendencies into social power. Time to get back on your feet and ace the stage with those groovy moves! You’re not a dancer? Well, get your tapping shoes on, Tiny. I believe you just became a social butterfly. That cocoon is long gone.
