It is not a secret that our culture loves a platform. We try to get followers on Instagram, views on Snapchat, and spend hours of our time trying to get that perfect picture. We have built a culture that demands so much time, energy, and striving, that most of us (me included) do not know how to just stop and be.

Social media shows us what others choose to share with us. Most of the time we get to know someone based off their posts and we judge them by which filter they choose on Instagram. And yet, no matter how hard we tried, no matter how much we lamented the inauthenticity of our online selves, the curated and edited content just kept on coming.

The truth is we all wish our online selves were our authentic selves, and we are good at pretending they are.

Most of the Instagram accounts I follow are curated, barring the ones that belong to a few close friends. I follow photographers, food bloggers, and fashionistas who all post gorgeous, interesting content that inspires my creative side (or simply entertains me when I should be working or studying).

So, no, social media is not real life, but the fact that it is fake is not the problem.

The problem lies not in WHAT we post, but in WHY we post.

We now live in a world of instant sharing, and that world has created a culture in which all our self-love comes from the affirmations of others instead of from somewhere within ourselves. Connected as we are, we never have to be alone.

SELF-ESTEEM STARTS INSIDE AND RADIATES OUTWARD, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

There won’t ever need to be a moment where we look at ourselves long and hard in the mirror and say “This is it. This is who I really am,” and decide for ourselves whether we like the person we see.

There is no need for that anymore; A handy device in our pocket can quantify just how loved and wanted and valued we are, one like at a time. If we acknowledge that social media is not real, we can begin to disconnect what we see online with real-life expectations. We can separate social media from our sense of self-worth. It is okay that social media is not real life. It is okay that it is a fictional world made of Prada bags and avocado-on-toast. Just remember that self-love doesn't come from that world. It comes from the real one.

The real you.

Start paying attention to the moments you mindlessly open Instagram or Facebook. Is it when you're by yourself for a minute or two? When you should be working or studying? Be more mindful of the time you spend habitually browsing. Turn off your social media notifications. This will keep you from wasting those three to five minutes of social media scanning every time your phone buzzes. You can go in and check your feeds periodically, but it will be a much more mindful action and you'll have more control over your time. Put your phone away when you are sharing a meal with friends or family (or if you are spending time with another person in general). I repeat: Put. Your phone. Away. Channel your energy into building real, face-to-face relationships and not meeting people on Tinder or Bumble.

Remind yourself often that what you see online is not a standard by which you should grade your life.