It's funny, I talk about how much social media has negatively affected me, yet I just shared a funny post on Facebook, updated my Instagram story, and sent out a tweet all either before or while I was getting ready to sit down and write this article.

I guess I can't escape it, as much as I'd like to.

Because here's the thing, for a long time, social media was my life. I would go on it every single day and update everyone on how my life was and how I was doing whether they wanted to see it or not. I didn't see it as a problem until I stopped feeling numb and all my emotions I kept locked up for three months came flooding out of me all at once.

Let me explain.

When my ex broke up with me I was a wreck. I ultimately lost the person I thought I knew I was. I didn't recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror. Truth be told, I didn't want to look at that girl. The girl who couldn't keep it together. With tear stains covering her cheeks, With her ribs protruding out of her skin. With her hair, a tangled mess because putting the effort in to look nice was pointless and tiring.

But no one would know any of this if I didn't admit it right here. Because none of this shows on any of my social media accounts. If you were to look back at my posts or stories the past few months you would see a girl "attempting" to live her best life. A girl smiling so wide it hurts. A girl hanging out with friends. A girl going out on dates every single weekend. A girl going out drinking every single weekend.

See, that's the problem with social media, we only want to show the good moments in our lives and never let anyone know we're hurting. You don't know what goes on after I post that picture and it's up for everyone to see. You don't know what goes on before I'm taking that picture. I wasn't living my best life these past few months, I was living in my deepest and darkest depression I ever felt. But you would never know that.

I would post a picture of me smiling and then go right back to crying. I would make sure to cover my face up to make sure it didn't look too tired or worn out or red from crying. I would post pictures with my friends and right after break down in front of them in public because I couldn't keep it together sometimes. I would make sure it looked like I was having a good time. I would post a picture of me in full makeup, hair straightened, wearing something cute and probably a song playing in the background telling everyone I was getting ready for a date. When in reality I was riddled with this overwhelming fear that it wouldn't work out and they would end just like my last relationship. But I made sure to post it to make my ex jealous at the time when I really just wanted him to see what a big mistake he did by letting me go.

I would post a picture of me holding a drink or tweet about me bragging how I got so drunk last night. But the truth is, sometimes I don't remember what happened the night before. I would drink too much and end up vomiting in the bathroom at the bar and have to have my friends explain to me what I did the night before. I used drinking as a distraction to numb my pain because it worked. But it got to a point where my friend was helping me while I was vomiting and blacked out in his yard late at night after coming back from a party where I realized it had to stop.

I'm not saying all of my posts on social media are authentic and honest now, but I'm getting better. The smile you see now is real, I can promise you that. I think I enjoyed the idea of using social media to distract me from facing my problems. Because if it looked like I was "happy" then I was. But I wasn't only lying to everyone who saw it, I was lying to myself.

It kind of got me thinking of how everyone else uses social media the same way I was. How we only show the good and never the bad. Never a frown always a smile. Never complaining always in a good mood. But, you know what? It's so exhausting and draining to always want to be happy or pretend.

So, I'm done with doing what everyone "expects" to see on social media.

I'm writing this article in sweatpants, a baggy shirt, no makeup, blemishes and zits, hair up and starting to get greasy, tired from working all day and stressed out with work, school, guys and life.

This is me and I'm done hiding what society or social media won't accept as real.