College has been in session for a little under a month and infatuation is in the air. As a senior, I just sit back and chuckle as I watch these freshmen boys pine for the attention and affection of college girls. I chuckle not because I find it amusing, but because I remember a time when I was in their shoes. I understand their troubles and if history in fact does repeat itself, I can relate to the sting of rejection that lays in the wake of some of these freshmen boys. This article, however, encompasses more than just college freshmen boys, instead this article is meant for everybody who engages in social situations.
There are many types of intelligence that cover many fields, but the one I want to focus on today is social intelligence. Social intelligence is the ability to be able to maneuver through social settings by picking up on various social cues and responding to them appropriately. From my observations, many people sadly lack adequate social intelligence, especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex. Often times I see men continually try to pursue a girl even after her actions have made it clear that she is not interested in him. I’ve seen young men obsess over girls who couldn’t care less about them. By being oblivious to various social cues, people are constantly putting themselves in positions to have their feelings hurt. Rejection is already painful enough by itself and the more emotional investment there is, the more painful it gets. This increase in unwarranted emotional investment is caused through the misreading of social cues.
A key principal in social intelligence is that actions speak louder than words. Most of the time words are calculated and thought out before they are said. Essentially before someone speaks, their mind filters out the things it believes could be damaging to that person's image. Actions, on the other hand, are unfiltered and often time reflect the subconscious mind. An individual’s body language is a good gauge of their receptiveness of you. If you are engaging in conversation with somebody and their body is closed off and reserved, then there is a very strong likelihood that person isn’t engaged and therefore won’t be very receptive to you. On the contrary, if someone has open body language and is actively engaged in the interaction, then chances are they are in that present moment interested in you and the current interaction. This same principal can be applied to virtual interactions as well since a lot of communication takes place over that medium. If you’re engaged in a text conversation with someone you just met and they are being just generally unresponsive (short answers, long breaks before a text back, not responding), then chances are that person just really isn’t into you. There are dozens of social cues I could talk about, but in an effort to keep this article concise, I’m just going to touch on the most prevalent ones.
If someone shows behavior that indicates their lack of interest in you, do not take it personally. Sadly, everybody isn’t going to like you no matter how hard you try. With that being said, you should always be respectful of others and treat them how you wish to be treated. If you’re being as genuine as you can possibly be and someone dislikes you then that is just a reflection on how they view themselves. Never feel the need to change your core in order to please others!
