Sometimes people tell me I'm smart (less, since I've started college) and sometimes people tell me I'm pretty (more, since I've started college). Since I am a human and these are compliments, both make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, but one more than the other. Being told that I'm smart is nice and all, but if someone tells me that I'm beautiful, I float through the rest of the day as though I'm riding on a cloud.
This is bad, and I know this is bad. I thought that I valued intelligence more than beauty! I only read Cosmo to make fun of their weird sex tips! My favorite character on "Gossip Girl" is Dan! So why do I shrug off a "You're smart," and freak out over a "You're beautiful"?
Theory #1: The Patriarchy
The Patriarchy is nice because it's always an available scapegoat. You can blame anything on The Patriarchy, and you'll rarely be wrong. In this case, no matter what my parents have taught me about the importance of intelligence, The Patriarchy has been there gently negating this lesson with advertisements and magazine articles and stereotypes that remind me that women need to be pretty, and, while that may not be all that is important about us, it is what is most important about us.
It is not an untrue explanation, but it does feel a bit lazy. After all, there are girls out there who are affected much more by a compliment to their intelligence. What makes me different from them?
Theory #2: Scarcity Increases Value
That Principles of Economics class I took first semester taught me this, but it's a pretty basic concept. Things that are rare are valuable, and often, they are valuable because they are rare. In my case, I've been told that I'm smart often enough that the worth of that comment has diminished. Compliments on my appearance, on the other hand, are fewer and far between, so I guess the logical part of my brain has decided they mean more.
It does feel weird to attribute the blush-y thrill that I get from being told that I'm pretty to such a logical rule of marketing and sales, though, which is why I think there's another contributing factor.
Theory #3: Frustration vs. Admiration
The number one time when people have told me I'm smart is when they see my grades. Whether it's a test, or a report card, or a GPA, it is some sort of number that triggers the comment-- usually the fact that my number is higher than their number. As a result, the compliment (or is it merely an observation?) is tinged with frustration, and I sometimes wonder if I should apologize for doing better than someone on an assignment. By contrast, anything someone says about my appearance is inherently (and completely) positive: they like my hair or my skin or my clothes. That's all. I would never think to feel guilty after someone tells me that I look beautiful. I just feel happy.
I still think that I value intelligence more than beauty, but I hope that the way I react to compliments will one day reflect that.
