Growing up in a small town can be a struggle. Everyone knows your business and the second something happens to you, good or bad, it spreads like wildfire. The good news is temporary; the bad times stick with you for life. For me, it was my senior year of high school, after my long term boyfriend and I broke up. Small town mentality: everyone knows your business, sometimes before you do.
I didn’t have a clue that my boyfriend at the time was hanging out with “new friends” and that those “friends” included a whole lot of girls, who ultimately got into the middle of our relationship. I found out that he wasn’t "busy" every day doing whatever excuse he gave me, he was cuddling and watching movies with her.
Small town mentality: everyone knows your business before you do, rumors started spreading that he was cheating on me and that they kissed, went on dates, etc. Well this was new knowledge to me, and eventually everyone knew about my relationship problems before I did.
Once it surfaced, I became the center of people’s attention. People who I didn't know talked about me. People who barely knew me, and people who didn't know I existed that I'd been in school with for 13 years talked about me. I had guys I never talked to telling me they felt sorry for me and that my, now ex, was an a**hole for what he did, meanwhile, I still had no clue if any of this was true or not.
Flash forward six months, I forgave him for the whole situation (which to this day I still don’t know the full extent of what happened with him and that girl, I only know parts of it) and people started talking again. I had graduated at that point so I didn’t care what they said. I was happy but small town mentality: people judge you. And oh man, did they judge me. But this time I wasn’t at my high school to see what was going on. I saw the Yik Yaks and whatever else they talked crap about me on instead.
Girls would say he was so hot and they’d fuck him. I would come home and hear people talk about him saying “his girlfriend would never know, she’s in college." Small town mentality: people talk, about me and to me, jokes on you, I used the small town mentality to my advantage to know what people said after I left. I didn’t trust anyone.
We broke up a few months later, turns out he was talking to a girl and planned to leave me anyways, but like I said, I put that small town mentality to use and got out before he kicked me out. Joke's on you.
I learned that my hometown was, and still is, toxic to me. I learned which friends stayed true to me when I was the center of the town's talk, and which friends decided to be his friend after all I went through. I can say that learning the toxicity of my town allowed me to know which people I can trust and which I can’t. I learned who my real friends are and I can say I have about 10 real friends back home and I’m perfectly happy with that number. I have 10 people who would fight someone for hurting me like my ex did, 10 people who would take a bullet for me, 10 people who would defend me if someone talked crap about me, 10 people who would never betray me.
Rocky Hill, Connecticut is a small, toxic town filled with jealousy, betrayal, and people always trying to be better than other people. It’s a town full of taking the side of whoever is more convenient, a town of rumors, a town of backstabbing, and two faced people.
I love my friends and family in Rocky Hill, but other than them, I have no reason to stay there. I have no reason to venture back to Rocky Hill. Once I am through with school, I plan to move to Massachusetts, far away from all the drama, far away from the people who still talk about me behind my back, 2 years later, far away from my ex, far away from negativity, far away from reminders of my past mistakes, far away from it all, but close enough where I don’t leave the good parts of my past behind for good.
