"49 killed, 53 wounded." This sort of headline is becoming all to common in our country and it is very alarming. I see videos and read articles informing me of the newest tragedy, talk about it with my brother and parents, and eventually fully understand it and form my own opinion of what happened. I can then say on my social media or to my peers "how sad was that shooting" or "yeah, things are scary out there." But that's all I feel necessary to do on my part.

I've grown up in a relatively safe, small town and the biggest tragedy I've experienced is the death of my best friend's mom. I've never felt in danger going to my local movie theater or thought twice about attending a concert at our state park. I've never felt compelled to carry a gun with me on a Friday night out with friends and I've certainly never gotten nervous in the presence of a police officer. Seeing what is going on in the cities around me, I've come to understand why my parents chose to raise my brothers and I in a small town.

While the world around me does frighten me and do I feel incredibly sad about the recent events, I feel somewhat detached from the chaos. I do not directly feel in danger, because the danger seems to linger in big cities. "Be the change you want to see in the world" is something commonly thrown around in the wake of catastrophe and chaos, but nestled in my middle-class small town home, I don't have the desire or imminent need for things to change. I know that change needs to occur in other places, but I mean just that, in other places, not around me.

I've had the privilege to grow up ignorant and unaware of what's going on around me and make mistakes that won't cost me my life. I used to ask myself why my mom would have ever moved here from a big city and why my dad never left here, but the allure of a safe small town to my parents becomes clearer to me each time I turn on the news.

Every time I bring a friend home from school they say "wow, you're small town famous." While it can be frustrating at times to not be able to go into public and not see someone I know, this gave me the ability to safely grow up in the eyes of the community. I was never completely alone in any setting I entered. There are things about a small town that everyone complains about that actually gave me the ability to grow up shielded from hurt and pain. "Everyone knows everyone" may be true, but it was like having an extra set of eyes on me giving me an extra safety net.

A small town is almost a bubble to big world disaster. My mom always tells me that anything can happen to anyone anywhere, but my hometown feels immune, it feels like a bubble. For that I am grateful and sorry. I am grateful to have never experienced great loss or danger, but I am sorry for my inability to adequately understand what others are experiencing or feeling. I have the normal feelings of compassion and vague sadness and fear, but I cannot totally relate to those in the heart of the havoc.

So in a time of confusion, fear, hate, and tragedy, I want to take back all my complaints of boredom and never having anything to do and all the countless times I wished away my time stuck here in the small town that has done nothing but shield me from the hate driven world around me.