Growing up in a Christian church, I was taught that purity was of the utmost importance. I was given a purity ring at a dedication ceremony at a church tea party. My parents talked about how important it was to save yourself for marriage. My pastor did sermons on how evil premarital sex was. I remember one service in particular, “Premarital sex is wrong.” After this, I was half-paying attention because one person in the congregation was unmarried and pregnant. I was thinking, 'She must feel horrible'. This made me wonder how many people feel judged at church instead of feeling grace.

A youth leader at my church did a demonstration on purity, using a rose. He gave examples of what sexual impurity was, and each time would pull off a petal. In the end was nothing but an ugly stem. He then asked, “Is this what you want to give your spouse on your wedding night?” Everyone’s response was vigorously shaking our heads no. At the time, the audience was more than likely 100% comprised of virgins. This demonstration had some great pointers; after all, the Bible does say to abstain from sexual immorality. It also says that premarital sex is sexual immoral. In other words, it is wrong. This demonstration was almost using fear as a motivation to be abstinent. It was representing sex as a permanent sin that will forever taint you. However, an eternal grudge is against the very nature of God. Yes, it is important to talk about sins and temptations. But, we cannot skip over the most distinguishing characteristic of God- grace and forgiveness. Too often Christians and people visiting churches are feeling condemned instead of a healthy conviction to better our lives.

Sex and the church is a hot topic, especially among college-age millennials. We live in an age where sexual independence is welcomed and almost feels encouraged. If someone says “I’m saving myself for marriage,” it can be a shell shock to some people. I have heard fellow Christians say, “They make me feel that what I am doing is wrong, but actually - what they are doing is wrong.” This opinion is asserted among other Christians. They aren’t going around telling people they are going to hell, or are sinning because they are having sex before marriage. But with the limelight on sex, it puts it on a pedestal as a big sin.

This big sin is highlighted to be a stigma of an obvious act against a Christians’ belief. It’s an unwritten line that creates a 'black and white' area. The virgin Christians vs the non-virgin Christians. It builds a wall of holiness for virgins getting married. They have a perfect rose to give their spouse. But, what about the other side?

The Church preaches that they open their arms to anyone. After all, Jesus was found hanging out with tax collectors and prostitutes. People from sexually active lives may turn their lives to Christ and want to turn their lives around. Some Christians may fall away from a period of time. Then at times, mistakes just happen. They all can come back to Christ. They may not be virgins. It is clearly something you can’t undo. The cherry is already popped. It would be a slap in the face to indirectly say “You’re giving your spouse a dilapidated stem.”

Christians need to apply the sin rule to premarital sex. That is, that every, and any sin, is equal in the eyes of God. Jealousy and pride are also considered a sin. Those are on the same level as pre-marital sex. Yet, I rarely hear these sins taken as seriously. The bible also states that we can receive forgiveness for our sins. Jesus died for all our sins. He didn’t get nailed to the cross and say “It is finished, except for those who had premarital sex.” This doesn’t give us a green light to go sleeping around, and then ask for forgiveness every time. It does require changing our actions in the present and the future.

As Christians, we need to stress that our pasts happened but do not define us. We also shouldn’t have little sin and big sin. It’s about time we focus on trying to live like Jesus in every aspect of our lives — not just with our bodies. God is a redeemer and will redeem our past transgressions. We need to be careful with our language and tone, considering a fellow Christian may have a past we aren’t aware of. Judgmental attitudes also push people away from Christianity. This is not implying that we should never feel convicted at church. Since we need to be challenged to continually grow. We still must hold each other accountable, but in all aspects of our lives. After all — it is God's right to judge — not ours.