The approval of others in our lives is a heady substance, A few kind words from a friend affirming what you are doing is always a welcome ego boost, and yet if we continually go around in life looking for the approval others, we can be come prisoners of those around us, and it can lead us into some very dark and self destructive places.
In her book Univited which is one of my favorite books, Lysa Terkhurst writes "we must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please." Yeah, that's a little uncomfortable right? It certainly makes me squirm a little bit in my chair. It's convicting because it forces us to check our motivations. Are we pursuing good things to get the affirmation and approval of those around us because that can leave us with deep pain when that approval is withdrawn and it always is at some point? In our social media savvy world, are we posting a touched up polished version of ourselves to try to make us feel better or feel more accepted? Are we using the likes and comments we receive from others to fill the hole that previous rejection has left in us?
Our gifts and talents are great things that we are supposed to use, but self-reliance and the attitude of trying harder or trying to do better actually get in the way of our relationships with God and other people. I wrote last week about how vulnerability and authenticity in our relationships is frees us and enriches our connections. In many ways this is an expansion of last week.
Friends, as a teenager and even as a young woman, I have definitely allowed myself to carry the weight of insecurity too often. I am not a big fan on showing my flaws and my vulnerabilities to those around me.I like to cast the illusion that I have all my ducks in a row, and that life is easy and uncomplicated. However in this messed up, broken world, one of the most meaningful things we can pursue is vulnerability. To be loved in the midst of your baggage, your flaws, fears and imperfections is exactly what it's like to be loved by God.
He isn't interested in our performance or our gifts, but He's after our heart. The truth that we all need to realize is that being "good enough" for others, and trying really hard to carry the weight of our burdens alone is not the point of our lives, but the point of lives is to realize our need for community, to surrender to God, and to invite others into the messy, broken places into our lives.
Our pain, our baggage, and insecurities are only restored when we bring them into the light, out of the shadows of darkness, shame and fear and into a place of grace, vulnerability and love. We can only heal the shattered pieces in our hearts if we are willing to share them and let them be bathed in love.
So it's messy and unpolished the raw, vulnerable, real sides of us, but it liberates us from the burden of not being good enough for the approval of others, and from the fear that people won't love and accept our flaws. Vulnerability and authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of the ideal we think we should live up to and embracing all that we are, imperfections and all.
It's what we need and crave more than anything else, the idea that we can be fully known and deeply loved... it can change our life and the lives our everyone around us as well as arm us to face any and every difficulty that we will face in life.
So let's be unpolished posting our imperfect filter less photos. Let's embrace vulnerability, and instead of chasing the approval of others, be our selves. Be weird, Be random. Be damaged. Embrace the struggle of where you are, and instead of putting on the facade of having it all together and invite people into our mess. Invite our friends and family to walk along side of us in the messiness of their lives and in ours.
