The date for the wedding weekend was set a good year in advance—I remember thinking, “PLEASE, so I’m not bludgeoned for my absence, let this weekend be open (I have theater obligations that come first regardless of when other obligations are planned, you see). I would sit up at night thinking of what would happen if somehow tech week ended up being the same day as the wedding...
The weekend was free! despite all my worry; and on October 9th, I attended my Uncle’s wedding rehearsal dinner. It was quaint, warm, and had a free bar. After loading up my tiny plate of the FoodNetwork.com approved cheeses, I strolled over to the smiley bartender with my I.D. in hand.
In my infinite wisdom of alcoholic beverages, I started with a beer and transitioned into a rum cocktail. The array of different cheeses—gouda, cheddar, brie—were all soon identified as one communal cheese as the drinks started to kick in.
By the time my main course arrived, I was doing my “Shhh, I’m drunk, but no one can know” smile to a random guest across the room. I sat quietly in my chair; I did the occasional nod to show I was listening to whoever was talking to me at my table—when really, all I could think about was the copious amount of homework I had to do once the wedding was over.
As the night winded down, I played with my creme brulee and watched the guests mingle. After a while, my cousin and brother got up to go to the bathroom. I finished my drink and decided I needed to go to the bathroom too. I did my best not to stumble as I walked up to a waitress to ask where the bathroom was. She pointed me in the right direction and off I went.
I made my way into the bathroom, where I saw my cousin David standing at the first urinal. I walked over to the bathroom stall, but it was taken. As I waited, I came up with the great idea to slap my cousin's butt at the urinal. I glanced over to see my brother at the urinal next to him- So I went for it. I reared back and slapped them both on the butts. AND THEN! In almost slow-motion, the large man that I thought was my brother turned around.
The man turned back around to face the urinal, only saying, "Good game." I was speechless. Without a word, I slowly walked out of the bathroom and back to my seat--hoping to never see that man again in my life. Maybe for the next wedding, I won't drink as much...
