This is a topic I'm very sensitive about and have tried writing an article regarding but never knew quite exactly what I wanted to say. I've been asked by a handful of people to describe what it's like living with an eating disorder given that everyone knows they exist but not many know what it's truly like. I've come to realize that many people feel they have to walk on eggshells around me, cautious of what to say, so I figured with this being the start of NEDA week, now was a better time than ever to shed some light on this topic. Yet every time I brought myself to write about this, I found myself never being able to finish because there was too much I wanted to say. And while I could have addressed the many misconceptions that exist regarding eating disorders, I felt the best way to get my message across was to publish a slam poem I wrote.
"Hi, my name is Anorexia. But since we are going to be so close you can call me Ana.
Hi, I'm Ana and I'm going to be your worst enemy and closest friend. I am going to tear you apart and convince you that you need me to pretty and without me, no one will love you.
Hi, I'm Ana and I'm going to tell you that you're not hungry even though your head pounds and your insides are twisting shouting at you for food.
Hi, I'm Ana and with my help, you are going to ignore your appetite until you are light and frail and your bones are visible because that's who you know looks good in mini skirts and crop tops.
Hi, I'm Ana and I will never leave your side I will take you all for myself and keep you from your family and friends. They wanna hang out? Tell them not today. It'll probably result in food. They miss you? Tell them the same and promise them over and over that you miss them and that you'll see them until they stop trying.
Hi, I'm Ana and I'm going to get you so active that you'll no longer look at bowling or dancing as a social activity but rather the calories you burn while doing it. You'll no longer look at an apple as juicy, chips as a snack or cookies as delicious. From now on it'll be 60, 140 for 12 and 120 for 2. Don't feel bad that you can't remember anything for your history test. Your brain is too crammed with the knowledge of every single food, drink, and condiment in your kitchen.
Hi, I'm Ana. Don't you dare say you don't love me when I'm all that consumes your mind every second of every day? They say you love someone when they're the first thing on your mind in the morning and the last thing on your mind at night. So don't you dare deny it when because of me your body is shrinking and you're finally beginning to feel small.
Hi, I'm Ana and your drive to succeed will skyrocket because of me. You reached your goal? Good for you now set another until you have nothing left to give.
Hi, I'm Ana. I promise you I'd make you pretty but now you're doubting me because your skin is cold and blue. Your hair is dry and dead. You have bags under yourbloodshot eyes. But don't you worry, best friends keep promises and if you loose 10, 20, or even 25 more pounds you will be pretty.
Hi I'm Ana and because of me you are going to hate yourself for ever eating, You will carve into your skin making it evident to yourself every bite you ever take. You will fast an entire day for a slice of cake except that slice will never come.
Hi, I'm Ana and even though your friends and family will hate me and try to get rid of me, I will tell you that you need me and without me you are nothing. It will no longer be about weight but instead, an inside game between two best friends called to stay in you calorie budget or spend 1 week, 2 weeks, or even 3 weeks, feeling guilty and shaming yourself for that one bad night,
Hi, I'm Ana and I'm going to convince you that you need no one but me. Drinking for a social life is nothing but empty calories and an obstacle in your way.
Hi I'm Ana and I now know everything about you, and friend's like that don't just go away. You will curse me and say I ruined you. You will try to fight me but I will never leave you.
Hi I'm Ana and you can try to distance yourself from me but I will always be the loudest voice in your head and you will miss me and you will come back.
Hi I'm Ana and our friendship will only cost you your life but don't worry, I'll convince you that's not important anyway."
