I've always been pegged as a perfectionist. Some days I try way too hard for things to be picture perfect, and to make it seem like problems do not exist. But boy, do they. I've worried about things that did not matter an awful lot, and have had full meltdowns based upon whether or not my dorm room was in order that specific day. Sometimes I get so mad at myself because I get caught up in all the wrong things trying to be this perfect human. I can’t really tell you why I obsessed over it all so much. In the moment, the imperfections seem huge. So huge that they took over every part of my brain that day. Looking back, half the time I don’t even remember what caused me stress in the first place.
This past semester at school I have tried to dive deeper into my faith. I started going to a bible study, but most importantly, I just began praying – a lot. I never knew what this communication could do for me, but when I started communicating, the imperfections grew more miniscule. For me, prayer has become my safety net. The more I talked, the easier it became to continue the conversations. This new habit has eased my mind more than I can count lately, and I’m sure that’s exactly what it is meant to do.
I’m a sinner. As I dove deeper into my faith, it helped me to realize that flaws and mistakes were all apart of growing and becoming better. If everything is perfect all the time than where is the room for all the change somebody can do. I guess my faith helped me to see that sinning and being forgiven is all apart of the journey to become greater. I don’t think the journey ever has an end destination. If we are all patient, we can just keep getting better and better every single day. For a perfectionist, I find it comforting to know each day is an opportunity for me to work on my flaws.
I want to retract a little bit. I think being a perfectionist can have its perks. Being someone that has always strived for success has in the end, given me many things I can be proud of. I give myself headaches a majority of the time, but usually things are done well. I don’t want to knock the perfectionist, but I know it’s not always healthy to be worried all of the time.
I hope one day to be proud that I am imperfect. I think that is a true sign of being content, and it’s definitely not a place where I am right now. Praying has given me a lot of peace on days where things weren’t going well, and I plan on sticking to the conversations I’ve been having. For any perfectionist struggling with being imperfect, looking more into my faith has only helped, and maybe with an open mind it could help you too.
