I have been the perpetually-single friend since boys were suddenly no longer were infested with cooties back in middle school. While my other friends had fan clubs of boys, I was still very confused as to how to even talk to them. Every once and a while since that point, I’ve had boys of my own, but those boys have admittedly been exceptions to the rule rather than an over-arching theme.
That being said, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, and that includes finding a semi-formal date for those big nights when you’re willing to strap on a pair of stilettos and brave a sticky dance floor. You have three classic options, with three separate game plans. I present the playbook of finding a semi-formal date for your boy-grabbing strategy book.
1. The Friend
This is your safest option. Whether its completely platonic, somebody in the friend-zone or whatever weird thing you have going on with your “friend,” this is 100 percent your safest option. Depending on what type of friend relationship you have going there, you can ask in several ways. You can employ the method of the casual shoulder-shrug, where you essentially ask him because its easy and let him know that's your thought process, or you can be a little more grand about it because friends should appreciate it. Ask him with a pizza or something, be cute about it, because doing nice things for your friends is nice. And if you do get him a pizza, you’ll probably get some of it. Just remember, if you do plan on keeping the relationship platonic do not be too cute, maintain the aloof sense of “we are strictly friends and will remain that way until we die or have way too much tequila.”
2. The Set-Up
This is the hit or miss option. If this seems like your best course of action, there is a method of execution that will make the night as painless as possible, and it should be followed for your own sake. Recruit your most trustworthy, empathetic friend, someone who will do her best to find you someone who will not be an awkward excuse for a person. When she gives you a possibility, Facebook stalk incessantly. Do you have other mutual friends? Does he have friends in your house? Or is he friends with other guys going? Is he cute? Does he appear to have a personality? All important questions because they can decide your night. Upon having him accept your hand as your semi-formal date, phase two goes into effect. Talk to him at least via Facebook, and make sure to talk to him beforehand, because it is really awkward otherwise.
When you do meet him before the event, be the friendliest person you are capable of being. This point in the night is the deciding factor, are you going to hit it off, or are you going to ditch him with his friends that you know are also in attendance? Make that decision based upon two questions. How often will you see him after this? What will be the most fun for you? Those are the important things to consider. Decide accordingly, have a good night and don’t completely lose your date. That’s a bad move.
3. The Hail Mary: Go out and find a stranger
This is the play that you should have in your back pocket but rarely use unless you perfect it, then it’s great. This game plan starts by you going out and socializing at every possible opportunity, meeting as many strangers as you can. All the socials, all the bars, all the parties because you need a date. Desperate times call for desperate measures, ladies. Talk to every boy you can and make sure you get their numbers. Do not trust these boys to contact you since you need to be in control of your own semi-formal date destiny. Also, do not limit yourself to anyone, whether that be a certain type of boy or a certain number of them, have backup plans upon backup plans.
Once you have found a suitable stranger, make sure to maintain text conversations with him or Facebook interactions or whatever you do, maybe get coffee like real people interested in other human beings do, just maintain the flirtatious relationship you hopefully sparked when you met him. Casually mention that you have a date event coming up but don’t ask him unless A. you will have a good time, and B. it is not extremely awkward.
If you still need a date and it will be awkward but you are desperate, sources say that tequila will help to ask him and make sure the event itself is a fun night. At which point the event is no more than two weeks but no less than several days away, that’s when you swoop in and ask him. Use your better judgement if he’s a busy guy though, if you’re going to put all this work in you need to actually get the semi-formal date out of it. Unlike your potential set up date, its best not to ditch the stranger at your event because you don’t know him well and chances are he doesn’t have friends there to socialize with. Once the event is over, you can either maintain the relationship to have a go to date for your next event or ditch him. In the situation that you need help ditching him, please refer to my article “How to Lose a Frat Guy in Ten Days.”
Good luck, and have a good semi-formal ladies; go get ‘em.
