Tales of a single 20 year old

Gather Round, Children, Hear The Tales Of A Single 20-Year-Old

Being single doesn't just mean you aren't in a relationship, it's so much more.

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I grew up in a house where dating wasn't even an option. It was never talked about, It was never a topic of discussion, and it stayed that way. Even when I got to high school, this still was never a topic of conversation. I had the occasional talks with my mom about whether she would let me have a boyfriend or even go on a date, and that conversation mostly always winded up with her telling me that I just needed to focus on school and about a billion other things most definitely did not have to do with guys. Now trust me, this did not stop me from having crushes on boys throughout my elementary school years and well into high school. And if you read my last article about crushes, you know how well those turned out (they didn't).

By the time I was around 9th grade, mostly all my friends had a boyfriend, were going out on dates, or at least were talking to a guy. At 15 years old, my biggest concern was that I needed to pass the Missouri Constitution test, not find a hot date to the movies on a Friday night. As high school went on, the more people around me began to date and get into relationships. Were they good relationships? I have no idea, but at that point that never crossed my mind. I just knew all the pretty girls in my class had a guy drooling over them and I didn't.

I began to really think about who I was, as an 18-year-old girl who had never been asked out on a date in her whole life.

Was something wrong with me? Did I always have a piece of romaine lettuce stuck in my teeth? Were my jokes not as funny as I thought they were?

These were very real thoughts that I had as an insecure high schooler who just couldn't figure out why boys didn't like me the way that they liked my other friends. And sometimes, these emotions would come through in waves. There would be months where I would be so secure in who I was in The Lord that no boy could ever take security away from me. I would think how proud I was of myself for choosing to chase after Jesus instead of the ways of the world, but then I would see it.

I would see the guy who I thought was really cute take a girl out to prom and very unknowingly crushed the tiny piece of my heart that secretly wanted the attention for myself, even though I wasn't the one he wanted to give his attention to.

Ouch.

And there I was again, racking my brain just to find out what I didn't have that these girls did have. Eventually, for what seemed like forever, High school ended. All the boys I had crushed on in my years had moved on to having other relationships with girls they actually could see that existed, and I was about to start college. Being single in your college years is a whole different type of singleness than being single in high school. When you're in college, people are getting into real relationships. The kind that are so serious that you kinda talk quietly about. The kind where you have the most freedom you've ever had in your life, so you go and hang out with the cute guy from your chemistry class whenever you want, however you want.

I'm not gonna lie, the first couple years of college I did have a slight expectation that I was supposed to magically just end up with a guy that not only was a dedicated man of the Lord but someone who also fit every single one of my standards that I set up for myself. And when that didn't happen, I gotta say, I was beginning to get a little impatient with Jesus.

Do you ever get that way? Feel impatient what the Lord is doing in your life? When I was ever home alone I would stand in the hallway of my house and just ask Jesus out loud when He was going to bring me the man that He knows I deserve!

I bet you Jesus was laughing when I was telling him this. How silly was I to get impatient with the one who has literally planned out the rest of my life, every detail, every circumstance, everything? Who am I to tell the creator of my life and the one who knows what's best for me to "hurry up" the process of me finding a partner?

As the reality of my life became more clear to me, I started to go through my reasoning for why being single in my college years aren't as bad as I thought. I'm at a place of my life where there are so many more relationships I want to invest in, so many more places I want to go, and so many more things I want to do before I enter into a relationship. I know that my identity is not rooted in my singleness, and I want to grow more into that. I've recently become very content with this phase of my life, and I know that there are others who are not as content as I am.

And that's okay. I'm here to tell you that right now in your singleness, the Lord has so much more planned for you, more than you can ever imagine. You were not designed to live your life waiting, you were made to be doing something. Seek affirmation from the one that called you to be, and be rooted in that. Tell others who they are and help others to be rooted in that. The world tells us that when you're single you should be on the prowl. Always looking for dates, guys to hang out with, a way to fill the void of not having someone always behind you.

So if not for a month or two of your life, maybe just for a moment, reflect on what it means to live your life in singleness - and how there doesn't have to be a negative connotation with that. Learn what you can do to guard your heart, to help your friends guard their hearts, and to learn to love yourself in a better, healthier way. You, my friends, are so much more than just someone who doesn't have a significant other. You are capable, intelligent, an adventurer, a doer.

Live in that, and Jesus will do the rest. Someday I'll be doing life with a man that is Godly, who cares for my emotional outbursts and wants to be a part of my life, but until then I'm content with doing other things. And you should too.

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When You Make A Girl An Aunt, You Change Her World In All The Best Ways

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest girl in the world.

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My brother and his wife recently blessed our family with the sweetest bundle of joy on planet earth. OK, I may be a little bias but I believe it to be completely true. I have never been baby crazy, but this sweet-cheeked angel is the only exception. I am at an age where I do not want children yet, but being able to love on my nephew like he is my own is so satisfying.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a very protective person.

From making sure the car seat is strapped in properly before every trip, to watching baby boy breathe while he sleeps, you'll never meet someone, besides mommy and daddy of course, who is more concerned with the safety of that little person than me.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her a miniature best friend.

There is something about an aunt that is so fun. An aunt is a person you go to when you think you're in trouble or when you want something mom and dad said you couldn't have. An aunt is someone who takes you to get ice cream and play in the park to cool down after having a temper tantrum. I can't wait to be the one he runs to.

When you make a girl an aunt, she gets to skip on the difficulty of disciplining.

Being an aunt means you get to be fun. Not to say I wouldn't correct my nephew if he were behaving poorly, but for the most part, I get to giggle and play and leave the hard stuff for my brother.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her the best listening ears.

As of right now I only listen to the sweet coos and hungry cries but I am fully prepared to listen to all the problems in his life in the future.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the best advice giver.

By the time my nephew needs advice, hopefully, I will have all of my life lessons perfected into relatable stories.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a number-one fan

Anything you do in life sweet boy, I will be cheering you on. I already know you are going to do great things.

When you make a girl an aunt, she learns what true love is.

The love I have for my nephew is so pure. Its the love that is just there. I don't have to choose to show love every day, I don't have to forgive, I don't have to worry if it is reciprocated, it is just there.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest person in the world.

I cannot wait to watch my precious nephew grow into the amazing person that I know he is going to be.

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What, In My Opinion, Guys Really Want In A Girl

It may not be as simple as you think.

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I've recently started "watching" this show with my wife called "Paradise Hotel" or something like that. I think it's on Fox. It's pretty much a competition to see who can make it as a "couple" the longest or till the end to win a ton of money. It's a reality show that is filled with drama and hot bodies and more drama. I watch this show because, honestly I kind of like the drama, and my wife watches it so what the heck.

We were watching it the other day and there was an opportunity for two more girls to be put on the show. As the other guys asked questions and got to know these potential women, I told my wife which girl they guys would pick. She picked the others over the one I said, because of their "bodies." However, the girl I picked was the one whom the guys picked. My wife looked at me and said "How did you do that?"

Here's the deal: Guys have been SO poorly shown to be all about certain looks and nothing else. And this simply isn't true.

I should put a disclaimer here: I'm referring to "guys" as (mostly) mature men who are into dating and have their crap together. This doesn't include boys who just want their 2 minutes of relief and are just aimlessly guiding through life.

Okay so yes, A LOT of what guys look for is looks. I can't sugar-coat that or lie about it. No guy I know will date a girl whom he doesn't find attractive. That doesn't mean that if one guy doesn't go for a certain lady, that she is ugly or whatever. It means that one guy doesn't find her attractive, but plenty others might! To each their own.

So yes, looks are important and a must. But there are so many more attributes that are important:

These could be a fun and outgoing personality, a sense of humor, confidence in your looks and self-identify, and some maturity. I know guys can be really really immature, but there are a lot of girls out their with women's bodies and a child's mind.

We also love a girl who respects herself. And understands what a man needs. Men do need respect. It's something that we crave and have to have. Women should be respected as well. I'm not advocating that respect is a one-way street. But having a girl who admires and respects who we are (once we earn their trust) is just a necessity.

Another couple things that are a must for guys is to not be freaking psycho. I know all women (and people for that matter) have their emotional outbursts. I don't think I'm being sexist to say that women, in general, might be more emotional people than men because of hormones and stuff... although I've seen plenty of men who need to stop being such wimps. But psycho and loud women just get on our last nerves.

Maybe I didn't answer any of your questions, but maybe this gave you a bit of an idea of what we want and look for in the women we want to date and eventually settle down for life with.

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