Gather Round, Children, Hear The Tales Of A Single 20-Year-Old

Gather Round, Children, Hear The Tales Of A Single 20-Year-Old

Being single doesn't just mean you aren't in a relationship, it's so much more.

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I grew up in a house where dating wasn't even an option. It was never talked about, It was never a topic of discussion, and it stayed that way. Even when I got to high school, this still was never a topic of conversation. I had the occasional talks with my mom about whether she would let me have a boyfriend or even go on a date, and that conversation mostly always winded up with her telling me that I just needed to focus on school and about a billion other things most definitely did not have to do with guys. Now trust me, this did not stop me from having crushes on boys throughout my elementary school years and well into high school. And if you read my last article about crushes, you know how well those turned out (they didn't).

By the time I was around 9th grade, mostly all my friends had a boyfriend, were going out on dates, or at least were talking to a guy. At 15 years old, my biggest concern was that I needed to pass the Missouri Constitution test, not find a hot date to the movies on a Friday night. As high school went on, the more people around me began to date and get into relationships. Were they good relationships? I have no idea, but at that point that never crossed my mind. I just knew all the pretty girls in my class had a guy drooling over them and I didn't.

I began to really think about who I was, as an 18-year-old girl who had never been asked out on a date in her whole life.

Was something wrong with me? Did I always have a piece of romaine lettuce stuck in my teeth? Were my jokes not as funny as I thought they were?

These were very real thoughts that I had as an insecure high schooler who just couldn't figure out why boys didn't like me the way that they liked my other friends. And sometimes, these emotions would come through in waves. There would be months where I would be so secure in who I was in The Lord that no boy could ever take security away from me. I would think how proud I was of myself for choosing to chase after Jesus instead of the ways of the world, but then I would see it.

I would see the guy who I thought was really cute take a girl out to prom and very unknowingly crushed the tiny piece of my heart that secretly wanted the attention for myself, even though I wasn't the one he wanted to give his attention to.

Ouch.

And there I was again, racking my brain just to find out what I didn't have that these girls did have. Eventually, for what seemed like forever, High school ended. All the boys I had crushed on in my years had moved on to having other relationships with girls they actually could see that existed, and I was about to start college. Being single in your college years is a whole different type of singleness than being single in high school. When you're in college, people are getting into real relationships. The kind that are so serious that you kinda talk quietly about. The kind where you have the most freedom you've ever had in your life, so you go and hang out with the cute guy from your chemistry class whenever you want, however you want.

I'm not gonna lie, the first couple years of college I did have a slight expectation that I was supposed to magically just end up with a guy that not only was a dedicated man of the Lord but someone who also fit every single one of my standards that I set up for myself. And when that didn't happen, I gotta say, I was beginning to get a little impatient with Jesus.

Do you ever get that way? Feel impatient what the Lord is doing in your life? When I was ever home alone I would stand in the hallway of my house and just ask Jesus out loud when He was going to bring me the man that He knows I deserve!

I bet you Jesus was laughing when I was telling him this. How silly was I to get impatient with the one who has literally planned out the rest of my life, every detail, every circumstance, everything? Who am I to tell the creator of my life and the one who knows what's best for me to "hurry up" the process of me finding a partner?

As the reality of my life became more clear to me, I started to go through my reasoning for why being single in my college years aren't as bad as I thought. I'm at a place of my life where there are so many more relationships I want to invest in, so many more places I want to go, and so many more things I want to do before I enter into a relationship. I know that my identity is not rooted in my singleness, and I want to grow more into that. I've recently become very content with this phase of my life, and I know that there are others who are not as content as I am.

And that's okay. I'm here to tell you that right now in your singleness, the Lord has so much more planned for you, more than you can ever imagine. You were not designed to live your life waiting, you were made to be doing something. Seek affirmation from the one that called you to be, and be rooted in that. Tell others who they are and help others to be rooted in that. The world tells us that when you're single you should be on the prowl. Always looking for dates, guys to hang out with, a way to fill the void of not having someone always behind you.

So if not for a month or two of your life, maybe just for a moment, reflect on what it means to live your life in singleness - and how there doesn't have to be a negative connotation with that. Learn what you can do to guard your heart, to help your friends guard their hearts, and to learn to love yourself in a better, healthier way. You, my friends, are so much more than just someone who doesn't have a significant other. You are capable, intelligent, an adventurer, a doer.

Live in that, and Jesus will do the rest. Someday I'll be doing life with a man that is Godly, who cares for my emotional outbursts and wants to be a part of my life, but until then I'm content with doing other things. And you should too.

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It's Time To Thank Your First Roommate

Not the horror story kind of roommate, but the one that was truly awesome.
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Nostalgic feelings have recently caused me to reflect back on my freshman year of college. No other year of my life has been filled with more ups and downs, and highs and lows, than freshman year. Throughout all of the madness, one factor remained constant: my roommate. It is time to thank her for everything. These are only a few of the many reasons to do so, and this goes for roommates everywhere.

You have been through all the college "firsts" together.

If you think about it, your roommate was there through all of your first college experiences. The first day of orientation, wishing you luck on the first days of classes, the first night out, etc. That is something that can never be changed. You will always look back and think, "I remember my first day of college with ____."

You were even each other's first real college friend.

You were even each other's first real college friend.

Months before move-in day, you were already planning out what freshman year would be like. Whether you previously knew each other, met on Facebook, or arranged to meet in person before making any decisions, you made your first real college friend during that process.

SEE ALSO: 18 Signs You're A Little Too Comfortable With Your Best Friends

The transition from high school to college is not easy, but somehow you made it out on the other side.

It is no secret that transitioning from high school to college is difficult. No matter how excited you were to get away from home, reality hit at some point. Although some people are better at adjusting than others, at the times when you were not, your roommate was there to listen. You helped each other out, and made it through together.

Late night talks were never more real.

Remember the first week when we stayed up talking until 2:00 a.m. every night? Late night talks will never be more real than they were freshman year. There was so much to plan for, figure out, and hope for. Your roommate talked, listened, laughed, and cried right there with you until one of you stopped responding because sleep took over.

You saw each other at your absolute lowest.

It was difficult being away from home. It hurt watching relationships end and losing touch with your hometown friends. It was stressful trying to get in the swing of college level classes. Despite all of the above, your roommate saw, listened, and strengthened you.

...but you also saw each other during your highest highs.

After seeing each other during the lows, seeing each other during the highs was such a great feeling. Getting involved on campus, making new friends, and succeeding in classes are only a few of the many ways you have watched each other grow.

There was so much time to bond before the stresses of college would later take over.

Freshman year was not "easy," but looking back on it, it was more manageable than you thought at the time. College only gets busier the more the years go on, which means less free time. Freshman year you went to lunch, dinner, the gym, class, events, and everything else possible together. You had the chance to be each other's go-to before it got tough.

No matter what, you always bounced back to being inseparable.

Phases of not talking or seeing each other because of business and stress would come and go. Even though you physically grew apart, you did not grow apart as friends. When one of you was in a funk, as soon as it was over, you bounced right back. You and your freshman roommate were inseparable.

The "remember that one time, freshman year..." stories never end.

Looking back on freshman year together is one of my favorite times. There are so many stories you have made, which at the time seemed so small, that bring the biggest laughs today. You will always have those stories to share together.

SEE ALSO: 15 Things You Say To Your Roommates Before Going Out

The unspoken rule that no matter how far apart you grow, you are always there for each other.

It is sad to look back and realize everything that has changed since your freshman year days. You started college with a clean slate, and all you really had was each other. Even though you went separate ways, there is an unspoken rule that you are still always there for each other.

Your old dorm room is now filled with two freshmen trying to make it through their first year. They will never know all the memories that you made in that room, and how it used to be your home. You can only hope that they will have the relationship you had together to reflect on in the years to come.


Cover Image Credit: Katie Ward

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Snapchat Has Become The Newest Dating App Of Our Generation

"Can I get your snap?"

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In this day in age, everyone has the app Snapchat and if you don't, you might be missing out on the biggest dating opportunity of our time. The app Snapchat was originally used to send ten-second photos of yourself to your chosen friends but in recent years it has grown to become a source of communication for dating. People would rather hand out their Snapchat usernames rather than their real phone number.

Snapchat was originally used to do brief communication with your closest friends. You can only send quick pictures of yourself or whatever is around you and only put very few words on a picture. Does that sound like a quality conversation to you? That's because it isn't. Dating has become more and more online in the past few years which has caused this growth in Snapchat being used for this sole purpose. People can easily put this picture perfect life on Snapchat and only capture their best selves. You don't even have bios on Snapchat so the person knows less about you than on any other dating app, only what you choose to share in those ten-second photos.

The use of Snapchat in dating has changed dating altogether. It has caused it to become less conversational and more about a game. Once giving or receiving a person's Snapchat, people always feel like the other person should always respond first because it shows that they care but if they don't it shows that they are not interested. Even when they do send a Snapchat, it's always about the waiting game. If you respond too quickly, then you look desperate but wait too long then it looks like you're not interested. People also give out Snapchats rather than phone numbers because of its lack of ties. If you give someone your Snap it means they might be interested but only give the phone number if you know them really well and want to potentially date them. It is always about the game when it comes to Snapchat dating and if you play the game wrong, then you end up getting ghosted.

With this new online dating world, people are able to ghost a person easier than in real life. Ghosting is when you are talking to someone and out of the blue, they drop all communication with you and never speak to you again. Sorry ladies if you got ghosted recently but it actually happens more often then some would think due to online dating. People are easily able to un-add people on social media and ignore their messages.

While Snapchat is a great app to communicate with friends, the use of it as a source of dating and getting to know someone is questionable. People use it to try and get to know people which it lacks because of its limited ways to communicate. So the next time someone asks you, "Can I get your Snap," just know the purpose behind it is not what you may think.

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