Gather Round, Children, Hear The Tales Of A Single 20-Year-Old

Gather Round, Children, Hear The Tales Of A Single 20-Year-Old

Being single doesn't just mean you aren't in a relationship, it's so much more.

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I grew up in a house where dating wasn't even an option. It was never talked about, It was never a topic of discussion, and it stayed that way. Even when I got to high school, this still was never a topic of conversation. I had the occasional talks with my mom about whether she would let me have a boyfriend or even go on a date, and that conversation mostly always winded up with her telling me that I just needed to focus on school and about a billion other things most definitely did not have to do with guys. Now trust me, this did not stop me from having crushes on boys throughout my elementary school years and well into high school. And if you read my last article about crushes, you know how well those turned out (they didn't).

By the time I was around 9th grade, mostly all my friends had a boyfriend, were going out on dates, or at least were talking to a guy. At 15 years old, my biggest concern was that I needed to pass the Missouri Constitution test, not find a hot date to the movies on a Friday night. As high school went on, the more people around me began to date and get into relationships. Were they good relationships? I have no idea, but at that point that never crossed my mind. I just knew all the pretty girls in my class had a guy drooling over them and I didn't.

I began to really think about who I was, as an 18-year-old girl who had never been asked out on a date in her whole life.

Was something wrong with me? Did I always have a piece of romaine lettuce stuck in my teeth? Were my jokes not as funny as I thought they were?

These were very real thoughts that I had as an insecure high schooler who just couldn't figure out why boys didn't like me the way that they liked my other friends. And sometimes, these emotions would come through in waves. There would be months where I would be so secure in who I was in The Lord that no boy could ever take security away from me. I would think how proud I was of myself for choosing to chase after Jesus instead of the ways of the world, but then I would see it.

I would see the guy who I thought was really cute take a girl out to prom and very unknowingly crushed the tiny piece of my heart that secretly wanted the attention for myself, even though I wasn't the one he wanted to give his attention to.

Ouch.

And there I was again, racking my brain just to find out what I didn't have that these girls did have. Eventually, for what seemed like forever, High school ended. All the boys I had crushed on in my years had moved on to having other relationships with girls they actually could see that existed, and I was about to start college. Being single in your college years is a whole different type of singleness than being single in high school. When you're in college, people are getting into real relationships. The kind that are so serious that you kinda talk quietly about. The kind where you have the most freedom you've ever had in your life, so you go and hang out with the cute guy from your chemistry class whenever you want, however you want.

I'm not gonna lie, the first couple years of college I did have a slight expectation that I was supposed to magically just end up with a guy that not only was a dedicated man of the Lord but someone who also fit every single one of my standards that I set up for myself. And when that didn't happen, I gotta say, I was beginning to get a little impatient with Jesus.

Do you ever get that way? Feel impatient what the Lord is doing in your life? When I was ever home alone I would stand in the hallway of my house and just ask Jesus out loud when He was going to bring me the man that He knows I deserve!

I bet you Jesus was laughing when I was telling him this. How silly was I to get impatient with the one who has literally planned out the rest of my life, every detail, every circumstance, everything? Who am I to tell the creator of my life and the one who knows what's best for me to "hurry up" the process of me finding a partner?

As the reality of my life became more clear to me, I started to go through my reasoning for why being single in my college years aren't as bad as I thought. I'm at a place of my life where there are so many more relationships I want to invest in, so many more places I want to go, and so many more things I want to do before I enter into a relationship. I know that my identity is not rooted in my singleness, and I want to grow more into that. I've recently become very content with this phase of my life, and I know that there are others who are not as content as I am.

And that's okay. I'm here to tell you that right now in your singleness, the Lord has so much more planned for you, more than you can ever imagine. You were not designed to live your life waiting, you were made to be doing something. Seek affirmation from the one that called you to be, and be rooted in that. Tell others who they are and help others to be rooted in that. The world tells us that when you're single you should be on the prowl. Always looking for dates, guys to hang out with, a way to fill the void of not having someone always behind you.

So if not for a month or two of your life, maybe just for a moment, reflect on what it means to live your life in singleness - and how there doesn't have to be a negative connotation with that. Learn what you can do to guard your heart, to help your friends guard their hearts, and to learn to love yourself in a better, healthier way. You, my friends, are so much more than just someone who doesn't have a significant other. You are capable, intelligent, an adventurer, a doer.

Live in that, and Jesus will do the rest. Someday I'll be doing life with a man that is Godly, who cares for my emotional outbursts and wants to be a part of my life, but until then I'm content with doing other things. And you should too.

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I Ghosted My Old Self For 5 Months In An Effort To Reevaluate My Life

My life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

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BREAKING (not fake) NEWS: It's true, you have to hit your lowest before hitting your highest.

I want to share my lowest with you, and I'm almost ashamed to say it had nothing to do with the loss of both of my parents. I like to think I handled that like a warrior.

Turns out I didn't, and the hurt I've been burying from that hit me all at once, the same moment my life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

My life flipped upside down overnight back in August. I had my heart broken shattered, lost two very important friendships that I thought were with me until the end, lost my 9-5 job, my health took a hit stronger than a boulder, and I was absolutely lost. For the first time, ever, I let go of the reigns on my own life. I had no idea how to handle myself, how to make anyone around me happy, how to get out of bed or how to even begin the process of trying to process what the f*ck just happened. I was terrified.

Coming from the girl who never encountered a dilemma she couldn't fix instantaneously, on her own, with no emotional burden. I was checked out from making my life better. So I didn't try. I didn't even think about thinking about trying.

The only relatively understandable way I could think to deal with anything was to not deal with anything. And that's exactly what I did. And it was f*cking amazing.

I went into hiding for a week, then went on a week getaway with my family, regained that feeling of being loved unconditionally, and realized that's all I need. They are all I need. Friends? Nah. Family. Only. Always.

On that vacation, I got a call from the school district that they wanted me in for an interview the day I come home. It was for a position that entailed every single class, combined, that I took in my college career. It was a career that I had just gotten my degree for three months before.

I came home and saw my doctor and got a health plan in order. I was immediately thrown into the month-long hiring process for work. I made it a point to make sunset every single night, alone, to make sure I was mentally caught up and in-check at the same exact speed that my life was turning. I was not about to lose my control again. Not ever.

Since August, I have spent more time with family than ever. I've read over 10 new books, I've discovered so much new music, I went on some of my best, the worst and funniest first dates, I made true, loyal friends that cause me zero stress while completely drowning me in overwhelming amounts of love and support, I got back into yoga, and I started that job and damn near fell more in love with it than I ever was for the guy I lost over the summer.

But most importantly, I changed my mindset. I promised myself to not say a single sentence that has a negative tone to it. I promised myself to think three times before engaging in any type of personal conversation. I promised myself to wake up in a good mood every damn day because I'm alive and that is the only factor I should need to be happy.

Take it from a girl who knew her words were weapons and used them frequently before deciding to turn every aspect of her life into positivity — even in the midst of losing one of my closest family members. I have been told multiple times, by people so dear to me that I'm "glowing." You know what I said back? F*ck yes I am, and I deserve to.

I am so happy with myself and it has nothing to do with the things around me. It's so much deeper than that, and I'm beaming with pride. Of myself. For myself.

I want to leave you with these thoughts that those people who have hurt me, left me, and loved me through these last couple of months have taught me

Growth is sometimes a lonely process.
Some things go too deep to ever be forgotten.
You need to give yourself the permission to be happy right now.
You outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and you're not the one to blame for that. You're growing.
Sometimes it takes your break down to reach your breakthrough.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

My god, it's so f*cking good.

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I Asked 11 People To Tell Me Their Worst Date Experiences, And These Are Their Stories

Vulgarity, awkwardness, and embarrassment ahead. Read with caution.

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Let's face it, my fellow millennials... dating is fucking hard. There are creeps, assholes, cheapskates, gold diggers, and there are people just looking to get into your pants and leave. It's a wild world out there in the dating pool, and I've asked 11 people to share with me their worst ever dates. Here's what they had to say...

1. Magen, 28

"I went to see a movie with this guy I was lukewarm about. He was excited about the movie and told me it looked really good. Turns out it's a horror film where the protagonists are all being murdered by a young woman/poltergeist that appears in photos before killing them. Then it turns out that everyone that died gang-raped and murdered the young woman. Then after the movie, he asked me to get in the back seat: No. Then he tried to make out with me: No. When I said I wanted to go home he drove in silence for the whole 20 minutes. A week later he messaged me that if I converted to Islam we could get married. So, basically, he was a psycho."

2. Emma, 20

"I once went over a guy's house for a second date with him. The first was two days before, and it was a blind date, so I didn't really know him well. When I got to his house, we went up to his room to watch 'Up.' His room was filthy. He had dirty socks, underwear, and clothes everywhere. His bed was unmade, too. I sat up and leaned against his headboard as he sat about a foot away from me, awkwardly leaning back on his elbows. After the movie was over, I made up an excuse to leave, saying I had to clean my house for my mom. He walked me to my car and kissed me out of nowhere. He then proceeded to ask me to officially be his girlfriend. I told him that we should go on more dates and see where it goes from there. I drove back to my house and when I got home, I texted him and told him I didn't see it going anywhere."

3. Emily, 25

"A guy asked me to lick his asshole in the middle of dinner."

4. Michael, 25

"I was walking up to a restaurant and just happened to walk past my date when she was snorting Xanax in her car. I turned right around and drove to Wendy's and got a Baconator."

5. Lily, 22

"On my first date with a guy, I drove him to Sonic. He flirted with the waitress and I had to pay for both of our meals because he was 'trying to be more careful with his money.'"

6. Anonymous, 23

"I met a man online to be my new sugar daddy. We only talked for a day and he wanted to meet at the mall. So the morning of I texted him where exactly and he told me to meet at a bar/restaurant. I show up in a t-shirt and white/gray floral workout leggings. We're making awkward small talk. He's telling me about the girls he tried to see before how they all ghosted him and he didn't know why. He was a very attractive man in a rich industry so I was excited to be pretty high on his list. Twenty-five mins into it, I have to use the bathroom. I was feeling crampy all day and knew my period was coming. I excuse myself to the bathroom and walk away. As soon as I get into the restroom, I look in the mirror and see a HUGE bloody stain on my ass. I'm EMBARRASSED. I try to dab as much blood out as possible and shove toilet paper in my underwear to use as a pad. I cover my butt with my sweatshirt and walk back to my seat. Luckily the seat was black so it didn't show but I could see a damp spot. He didn't notice I don't think but I needed to change so I suggested we walk around the mall. I tell him I'm gonna run to my car for something then meet back up with him. I found some black leggings in my trunk and change. I met up with him again and he noticed the change but didn't say anything. After we walked around we went back to his car and he gave me $100. He said he wanted to see me again a few days later. The day came to hang out and HE ghosted me."

7. Marilyn, 23

"A boy I met off Tinder took me to a generic, less nice, knock-off of Olive Garden, bought me dinner and then went and watched a movie with his parents. Leans over to me, whispers 'You should take my virginity because I bought you dinner.' His parents asked what he said because I made a weird face and then left."

8. Bree, 26

"I went to see a movie (the first 'Fantastic Beasts') and the guy spent the entire movie talking about how 'his woman' shouldn't work and how he wanted someone to service him. Not the previews. The actual movie itself. No second date, although he texted me every day for a month after."

9. Mia, 20

"I was 15 and I met this guy and we went to a play and then to get dessert. Since neither of us could drive my parents dropped him off at his house after dessert and he kissed me on the forehead and said I love you as he left the car IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS. I had met him like once before."

10. Annie, 21

"We went to see 'Mission Impossible: Fall Out.' He didn't like it, so we left 20 minutes into the movie. We went to go get food (Bonbon Sushi), he made fun of my order, spent the entire date making weird jokes that were definitely not 'first date' type jokes (ex. 'I can tell you're gonna be a handful, figuratively and literally'), told me I was too nice (in a bad way), and that he was mean. I said I don't really like mean, even if it's just joking. He drove me home, asked me to RATE THE DATE (WTF). I said, 'I don't know, I don't really want to do that.' He said, 'Well, I'm asking you to be honest.' I said, 'okay...well...I guess a seven then.' I was being generous. He said, 'Seven?! What could I have done better?' I said, 'Honestly, primarily just being nicer. It's a first date, don't you want to put your best foot forward?' He laughed in my face, said, 'Well, this isn't going to work out then,' and DROVE AWAY! I thought, 'well, at least he knows it wasn't a good date.' Two days later, he texts me asking for a second date..."

11. Ash, 21

"We were friends and then started dating. The relationship was really short-lived and ended up being pretty crappy, but he talked for like a week about wanting to take me out for burgers at a nearby diner and then 'forgot' his card at home. I ended up paying, and he promised he would pay for the next date. Then ghosted me for a week, and when I confronted him about it, he ended up dumping me in front of my dorm building."

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