Finding it hard to be happy seems like the biggest downside to the human experience. I’ve always wondered why it’s so much easier for us to be sad than it is for us to be happy? Why is the feeling of happiness so fleeting and the feeling of sadness so constant? It seems like one great, big contradiction. So I asked myself, “what even is happiness? Where does it come from?”
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my problem was trying to define happiness. I was trying to define happiness through things. Through the people around me, through my expectations, through the world…That was the moment I knew that my idea of happiness was a misconception. Happiness isn’t something that you can define. It’s something that you find in living.
The problem is that most people search for happiness outside of themselves.
That might not seem like a problem, but when people start envisioning what would make them happy, they start creating expectations that often rely on other people or specific 'things' to make them happy.
Our attempts to define happiness by thinking things like “when this happens, I’ll be happy” or “if I had this person in my life, I would be so much happier” forces us to compare our reality with the experiences and expectations we envisioned in our minds.
We become fixated on things that we think would make us happy and start failing to see the very things that do make us happy. We get stuck in an endless cycle of comparing the things we have with the things we don’t have and once we do that, we convince ourselves that we will never be happy until we have all the things that we think we want.
We forget to see the beauty in the simplest things in life.
Life doesn't deny you happiness, you do. When we start defining happiness through things that we think will make us happy, we start depriving ourselves of the happiness that’s already in our lives. We forget the beauty of simplicity.
We start overlooking simple things in life and the genuine joy it brings us, like seeing your dog after coming home from a long day. I find it pretty incredible that, despite how many times I leave the house, I’m always greeted with the most unconditional love from my dog the moment I step through the door.
So take a look at the world around you and realize that the simplest things in life can bring you the most joy.
Appreciate what you have now.
I know we all wish we could have this or that but what about all the things that we have now? Think about what’s really important in your life at the moment. Realize that you have so much to be thankful for, the clothes you wear, the food you eat, the technology you have in your hand right now…
Be thankful for the moments that brought you to where you are today. Whether they’re good or bad, you're still alive and breathing. Every moment in your life has brought you to where you need to be, to the people you love, to the experiences you have and to the lessons you’ve learned.
If you don’t appreciate the things you have now, you won’t appreciate them until they're gone. Don’t be quick to judge how good you have it right now, in this very moment because there's a chance you might not have it tomorrow.
Realize that you are the only one who holds the key to your happiness.
I know that most of us attempt to use others to stop our pain and create our happiness but putting our happiness in other people will only lead to a series of disappointments. Happiness isn’t something that other people hold and give to you. It comes from being grateful for what you already have. It comes from living.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to let go of expectations. Let go of the belief that your life would be better if you had something in particular in your life instead of what you actually have.
Don’t try to put a label on happiness and define what you think would make you 'happier' or 'better off.' Focus on what life has to offer you and let your happiness stem from the experiences you've been given.
Let the happiness inside of you radiate out into the world around you. Keep in mind that it comes from you and your decision to see the all the good things in life that you already have.
