It's that time of year again. An eight week long period where multiple women compete for the heart of the same man. The Bachelor is back. Along this season's journey we get to watch 25 train wrecks fight over Chris, a farmer from Iowa. And even though I can't imagine why anyone would spend weeks of their lives competing only to end up sentenced to a life in Iowa, I greatly appreciate watching this season, because it has provided me with hours of pure joy and entertainment.
However, while watching this show, I noticed that the brutally competitive nature reminds me a lot of The Hunger Games. Here are just a few parallels I was able to draw between the two programs.
Loyal Audience
While no one will (willingly) admit that they actually enjoy watching The Bachelor as an intellectually stimulating Monday night program, it still manages to draw a crowd from season to season. Two words: guilty pleasure. I watch this show because it is so stupidly absurd that it gives me great pleasure, as well as a sense of superiority over the women on this show. Likewise, in The Hunger Games, the audience who watches the games are a bunch of wealthy Capitol residents who have nothing better to do than watching a bunch of teenagers brutally destroy each other.
Cutthroat Competition
The bachelorettes will stop at nothing to end up in Bumblef*ck, Iowa, with their dashingly boring farmer Chris. They will lie, fake injuries, use their children, and f*ck a guy who is simultaneously sleeping with 24 other women just to win and ultimately break up with the bachelor. In The Hunger Games, these kids don't really have a choice. But in either instance, it's the same ride or die mentality. These contestants are willing to literally and/or figuratively draw blood to win.
Pampered Lifestyle
During the eight weeks on the show, the bachelorettes get to experience living in a mansion with an unlimited amount of food, booze, and anything else they could dream of. For the weeks leading up to The Hunger Games, contestants get to live in mansions with an unlimited amount of food, booze, and anything else they could dream of. I guess you can justify national humiliation/death with a couple weeks of partying.
Awesome Makeup/Wardrobe
The bachelorettes come prepared with beautiful gowns and makeup on point. And in some episodes, they are given these items. Just the other week one of the contestants got to keep a ball gown, Neil Lane diamond jewelry, and a pair of Louboutins. You've seen The Hunger Games. Katniss gets to look like a god damn Charizard, traipsing around the Capitol in her flaming wardrobe for days. Am I salty? You bet your ass.
Volunteers
All I need to say about The Bachelor is that human beings willingly volunteer to be on this show. That says a lot about our society. And in The Hunger Games, Katniss selflessly volunteers to take her lame sister's place. What a world we live in!
Family Disappointment
Let's be honest ladies, if you ever went on The Bachelor, would your family ever speak to you again? Didn't think so. The Hunger Games are a little bit different. Your family is only disappointed if you die, which only happens to 23 of the 24 contestants! I like those odds.
Sob Story
"My baby daddy doesn't come around to see his daughter." "My dad is disappointed in my exotic dancing." "People were mean to me in high school." These are some (slightly exaggerated) examples of sob stories the girls put out for sympathy on The Bachelor. Hmm, sounds pretty similar to "I volunteered to take my little sister's place so she could chill at home." I'm onto you Katniss.
Stuck in a Shitty Place if You Survive
Iowa is basically the District 12 of the United States in my opinion. Sure, at least in Iowa you won't be fighting for your life and surviving on squirrels, but you'll still be bored out of your mind and living on a farm five miles from the nearest neighbor. I think I'll take District 12.
So there it is. Agree, disagree, either way, I'll be watching The Bachelor this season until one of these women either wins or has a mental breakdown of Charlie Sheen proportions.
