How do you sleep at night?

I wonder every night,

These are the thoughts left after 8 years of trauma...


Not in a horrific manner,

Just sincere,

Like how do you rest?

Do you drink coffee in the morning?

Are you a left sided bed sleeper? Or do you take the whole space.

I sit in wake,

For late nights are for dissolving into your own memories and questions.


I heard that you broke up with your boyfriend and dyed your hair.

That's cool,

I wonder if you ever think about me.

Never mind that-


Funny, back in 2016 I vowed to stop writing about you-

But here we are.


I keep dragging around what's been making my mind heavy,

But I'm all messy.

Unorganized in thoughts,

For frequent showers distract me from the sleep I never have.


Simulating scenarios,

While mouthing expressions like practicing a call back,

A call back?

Oh how I long for a call back,

A pick me up,

Plastic cups,

Reminding me of hormonic memories of sweaty hands in a ballroom.


Realizing that the family photo was the last we'd all spend together.

Mouthing "I loved you-"

In hopes we meet again,

For you were the first.

From the hints of sparks,

And the smile that lasted forever.


I wanted to make this sincere but now it's just sad.

But I'm glad,

A good cry is a goodbye followed for being in the dark too long.


Every woman after,

Just empty replicas in disguise for being quiet for so long.

Should have told you how I felt the last time we met.


But those are thoughts for nights like this.

Wondering if you feel the same.