How do you sleep at night?
I wonder every night,
These are the thoughts left after 8 years of trauma...
Not in a horrific manner,
Like how do you rest?
Do you drink coffee in the morning?
Are you a left sided bed sleeper? Or do you take the whole space.
I sit in wake,
For late nights are for dissolving into your own memories and questions.
I heard that you broke up with your boyfriend and dyed your hair.
I wonder if you ever think about me.
Never mind that-
Funny, back in 2016 I vowed to stop writing about you-
But here we are.
I keep dragging around what's been making my mind heavy,
But I'm all messy.
Unorganized in thoughts,
For frequent showers distract me from the sleep I never have.
While mouthing expressions like practicing a call back,
A call back?
Oh how I long for a call back,
A pick me up,
Reminding me of hormonic memories of sweaty hands in a ballroom.
Realizing that the family photo was the last we'd all spend together.
Mouthing "I loved you-"
In hopes we meet again,
For you were the first.
From the hints of sparks,
And the smile that lasted forever.
I wanted to make this sincere but now it's just sad.
But I'm glad,
A good cry is a goodbye followed for being in the dark too long.
Every woman after,
Just empty replicas in disguise for being quiet for so long.
Should have told you how I felt the last time we met.
But those are thoughts for nights like this.
Wondering if you feel the same.