my boyfriend is family
Relationships

Until You Put A Ring On Their Finger, They’re Not Family

"Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten." ~Stitch

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If your mom is the traditionalist sort of mother mine is, the title probably sounds just like something your mom has told you about bae. It's something I resented for a long time, and then I just tolerated. It wasn't until I rewatched "Lilo and Stitch" that what my mom had always said finally clicked.

I hadn't seen "Lilo and Stitch" since I was a little kid. Back then, I think I mostly appreciated the sing-along songs and funny Bleakly moments, as most kids do. And believe me, I still love every one of those moments. But when you rewatch a childhood movie in your 20s, you find a lot more meaning behind everything.

Towards the beginning of the movie, Lilo makes the same mistake a lot of us have made or will make at some point: putting bae before everyone else, including family. And that's where the disagreement sets in. By a lot of people's way of thinking, your S.O. is family.

You probably know all about each other, from the best to the worst. You tell each other everything and go everywhere together. You might've been together for three months or even three years, but regardless you love each other a lot and can't imagine a life without the other. Until you break up.

Because you will break up. It sounds harsh, but if you've had a breakup before you understand this, and if you haven't you will at some point. And when you do, you're not going to be calling boo family anymore.

You can't cry on your S.O.'s shoulder when they're the reason you're broken. That dynamic duo thing you had going for so long is ripped out from under you, and suddenly you'll feel more like an island than ever before.

That doesn't sound like family to me. Someone who is family is someone you can count on, always. Not just when things are going well, but in spite of things going the way you want them to.

Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

There's a good chance you haven't always felt like your family treated you that way. Maybe like my mom, they don't feel the same way about bae that you do. Please don't resent them for it; when the two of you break up, family—your true family—are the only ones that will be there for you.

It's also likely a self-fulfilling prophecy has been created around the whole situation. We push family away in favor of the people we think are closer than family, and then resent the rest for not being closer. Sometimes it takes something as upsetting as a breakup to realize who was really there all along, waiting for you to come to your better judgment.

Although it may seem difficult, if not impossible now, always put family first. They've been there for you a lot longer than your S.O. has, and you can count on them always being by your side. When you find someone who respects you for that decision, they might just be the one to seal the deal with.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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