With each new day I learn more about who I am as a person, what I value, and how I deal with conflict... or how I do not deal with conflict. I believe most people would label my avoidance of conflict as "passive aggressive".

I also realize that others do not particularly care for the way I, like other passive aggressive people, choose to handle conflict. With the dislike of our actions (or lack of actions), there exists quite a few misconceptions surrounding our personality type that I would like to address for your edification and knowledge. This explanation is not a justification, but rather a public service announcement so that others may glimpse another view point that would ordinarily not be expressed.

Additionally, rather than have anyone misconstrue this article as a personal affront directed at an any particular individual or event, I would like to state (in a non-passive aggressive fashion) that this article addresses common myths surrounding the intent of passive aggressiveness. Therefore, I am only sharing to give the world a better understanding of why some passive aggressive people respond the way they do.

1.“You think that your ignoring me is making a point."

Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Chances are, we probably don’t care if you interpret any meaning out of our lack of acknowledging you. Also I include "probably" to recognized the slim chance your passive aggressive person genuinely does care about you and your opinion. I wouldn’t flatter yourself though. Ignoring you is for your benefit, not necessarily for your detriment.

2. “The reason you are not responding is because you are unable to articulate your point of view. Deep down you know you cannot win."

First of all, not everything is about winning or losing. Second, we probably have tried to articulate our point of view in a variety of ways, but you were either unwilling or unable to acknowledge all previous attempts. So rather than waste our time and energy trying to explain our views in the simplest terms possible so you are able to grasp them, we just don’t respond. No one likes wasting their time on useless and/or hopeless activities.

3. “You think you’re better than everyone else."

This statement really has more to do with the speaker than the recipient. Whenever you read or hear words, you inherently bring your biases into your interpretation. This one is on you.

4. “The world does not revolve around you."

You’re right. Congratulations on mastering fundamental scientific concepts that are typically taught in kindergarten. This statement is usually a response to a rare instance where a passive aggressive person decides to actually point out a conflict rather than to avoid it. This outward acknowledgement of conflict is most likely not a reaction to one particular event or interaction, rather, it is that person’s need to address a bigger issue that has repeatedly made itself prominent. It’s that person’s way of dealing with “the issue." But thanks for letting them know that their words had a profound effect on you.

5. “I don’t do hints, speak your mind."

I don’t do well with hints either, obviously since you are not catching them. I do realize that you are either fragile or volatile when you are approached with conflict as observed by your previous interactions with others. Most of us are nice people, or at least we try to be, so we don’t want you to feel threatened by the “hint” of a conflict. We prefer to call them "friendly reminders."

6. “You’re passive aggressive because you are selfish, insecure, and toxic."

This is a personal favorite. The only name that could be remotely close to being accurate would be "selfish." If a person is selfish for cutting untrustworthy people out of their life, then I guess selfish is the perfect name for me. Personally, I prefer to not waste my time being there for people who have shown they are unable to be there for me. Not a fan of fair weather friends. As for the other two descriptors: "insecure and toxic," I am not sure those are the best words to use in a verbal assault of a passive aggressive person. In order for them to be insecure, they'd have to care what you think. Sadly, I doubt they do. Toxic implies that they have the ability or the intention of manipulation through their actions. Trust me when I say: if a passive aggressive person cuts you out of their life, they probably want nothing to do with you.

Final note, if a passive aggressive person chooses to engage in conflict or even acknowledge the problem at hand, they really care about you and the relationship. Congratulations on being a decent human!