In every self-help book I've read, in all the magazines, and in all the speeches I attend, I'm overwhelmed with the message to "be myself."

As if I could suddenly flip a switch to become my best, authentic self. Sometimes I look at other girls around me and wonder if they feel the same way. They probably do, but no one wants to open up about the fact that they struggle to "be themselves."

What does "being yourself" mean exactly?

It sounds like it means you're just letting your freak flag fly without a care in the world. That'd be awesome of that were the case, but unfortunately, society makes it hard for that to happen.

Unless, of course, you're drunk. Then you're free to let it out. But only if you don't get too drunk. And only if it's clear that you're getting drunk because you want to get drunk. Not because you want to kiss that boy who's standing across the room. And definitely not because you're secretly gay and want to kiss that girl who's standing across the room. God forbid.

I don't think it's possible to "be yourself" 100% of the time. Sometimes, we don't know to be ourselves because we don't know ourselves yet. Getting to know ourselves involves experimentation and taking risks.

Girls constantly judge other girls for acting "fake" or hiding behind alcohol or other defense mechanisms. They think the loudest girl in the room is being fake, but the quietest one is being fake as well. I've felt judged, but I've also sometimes judged other people. And guess what? I feel bad for judging other people, because I didn't know what storm was brewing in their mind.

The weird thing is when you're not fully "yourself", you judge others more for not being fully "themselves." But when you start taking steps to becoming fully yourself, you look around and are finally able to cheer on those around you who are helping themselves. And it's beautiful.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, that girl you see you seems to be laughing too loudly to block out what's really going on, either will be you in the future, or has been you in the past. She might not be ready to share her full self right now, but it'll come out when you least expect it

Be kind.