"She's not even pretty." "She has nothing on you." "He totally downgraded."
We've all heard or said these sentences or something like them when our ex or crush gets a girlfriend. Honestly, I think that this needs to stop. Why do we think saying she isn't pretty makes us any better than anyone else who judges solely based on looks? It's probably to try to build up our self-esteem by saying that his new girl isn't pretty or isn't anything compared to us. Why is that necessary? It isn't. It's ridiculous and should stop being something that girls say to make ourselves or our friends feel better about a guy moving on before us or a crush getting a girlfriend.
1. It's superficial.
So what if she isn't as pretty as you think she should be? That doesn't mean that "he downgraded" or that "she has nothing on you." That's just attacking her looks which is the most superficial thing that you could do when talking about the new girl of an ex or a crush because you or your friends think that she isn't as good as you are doesn't make you any better than her or anyone else.
2. It doesn't make you feel any better.
I've been told way too much recently that "she's not even that pretty" and it didn't make me feel any better about the break-up or the crush that I had. It just made me feel worse because what if she is a great person? Then my friend is putting her down in an attempt to build me up. That's not healthy or logical.
3.You're projecting your anger.
You're not mad at her, even though it seems like it when you say these things. You're mad at the guy that hurt you, or that never gave you the chance to be in her spot. Why project your anger about him onto her? She's not the one that hurt you.
4. What if she was you?
Would you want someone to look at pictures of you online and say "wow she isn't even pretty," "he totally downgraded?" No, of course not! But that is what we are doing to other girls who also don't deserve that being said about them.
5. You're supporting the people that put too much emphasis on looks.
Like I mentioned earlier, it's incredibly superficial to say that she isn't pretty or that he downgraded. It supports the people that put too much pressure on how people look. Most young women today say that we put too much pressure on girls to look a certain way but by saying that his new girl isn't pretty is supporting people to look at you the same way. Like you are supposed to look a certain way in order to be good enough for him, or for anyone for that matter.
6. You could be building yourself up instead.
Why not spend all of this time on making yourself feel better in a healthy way? Why focus on her flaws when you could focus on your strengths? Make yourself look better by looking at your strengths instead of others' flaws.
7. You don't know her.
Chances are that you don't actually know her. All you know about her is what you saw on social media. She could be the most amazing person ever but you don't know that because you're sitting with your friend hearing or saying "look she isn't even that pretty" instead of getting to know her or simply hoping that she's a good person for him.
