"She's just jealous," is something my mom used to tell me anytime a girl was mean to me. It started in elementary school when this one girl decided to tell me I couldn't play with my friends at recess anymore. She would say those same words when girls would call me names and post about me on social media. It's not the same and it's not an excuse.
By now, I'm sure you have all heard, "Boys will be boys." We know that this is unacceptable. It's about how a person is raised. Being a boy does not mean hitting a girl when you like her. Being a boy does not mean that you can't sit still or act with respect. The same thing applies to, "She's just jealous."
I think my mom meant for it to flatter me. That other girl must be jealous of me because I am somehow better than her or I have something that she wants. That's not OK. That's one problem with society right now. People are constantly being pitted against one another. Life does not have to be a constant competition. There can be love and respect for one another even if you are striving for more.
Hearing those words when I felt like the world was crumbling around me was not beneficial. Instead, it left me with a world of questions. Why would someone tear my life apart (dramatic, but that's how it feels in middle school) just because they're jealous? Why is she jealous of me in the first place? Why would she waste her time trying to make someone else's life miserable? My heart was hurting, she was tearing me down and while my mom was trying to build me up, I was lost and confused. I needed an explanation, a solution. I didn't need a shrug and "She's just jealous."
The main part that always bugged me was how she used it as if it would fix the problem I was having. As a little girl, there's not much to worry about, so when your friends won't play with you a recess anymore, it causes you distress. It may be the only problem in your life at that moment. While I was looking for solutions, my mom took it more lightly.
Now, I know that those moments passed and didn't ruin my life like I thought they would, but as a little girl it felt like a really big problem. I wanted solutions and I wanted to stop being bullied. I came to my mom for help and her solution was to tell me, "she's jealous." That didn't change my situation. Those words didn't magically make my problems go away. I was in distress and I needed some guidance. So what if she really was jealous of me? That doesn't excuse that behavior.
So many girls grow up like this. Their problems when they are young and shrugged off and avoided because they aren't seen as big or legitimate. It's important to remember that in young peoples' worlds, there isn't much. What they are going through is all they know. That mean girl is the only problem they have and it feels like the biggest things in the world. Let's learn to treat these things with more care and understanding.
