My best friend was in an abusive relationship. I wanted to help her. I wanted her to get out. I wanted her to leave on her own. And now, I want to share her story.

"To the girl he chooses next…

He’ll sweep you off your feet. He’ll be everything that you ever dreamed of. He’ll be that man you always pictured waiting at the end of the aisle for you. He’ll make you believe that you’re the best thing that has ever happened to him. He’ll tell you he’s never cared about anyone the way that he cares about you. He’ll tell you that he can’t imagine doing life with anyone else. He’ll make you fall… hard. Then he’ll show you his true colors. Get out. I don’t say that lightly. I don’t say that because I’m the “crazy ex girlfriend who can’t move on.” I’m sure he’s told you that too, hasn’t he? That I’m the one who can’t move on, I’m the one who is crazy, that I’m the reason our relationship ended. I’m sure he’s told you that everything was my fault, that I treated him badly. He didn’t lie about one thing… I am the reason our relationship ended. Our relationship ended because I finally had enough.

Our relationship wasn’t always bad. In the beginning, it was perfect. He was older. He was funny. He was tall. He was handsome. He wanted to get married and have a family. And he wanted those things with me. A month and a half into our relationship, he asked me to marry him. I was over the moon. I remember the beginning of our relationship. I felt the way you do right now. You’re in awe of him. You’re thinking, “How did I get so lucky?” You’re oblivious. The warning signs were all there: the short temper. The belittling. The manipulation. The constant accusations that I was cheating. The jealousy. The constant need of access to all my social medias. The lying. The name-calling. The threats. The constant disrespect... First, he threw things. Next, he punched holes in the walls. Then, he hit me. I was scared. I was confused. He blamed it on the alcohol he had to drink that night. He apologized over and over. He told me how much he loved me. He told me it would never happen again. My mother had warned me about this kind of man. She had told me if they do it once, they will do it again. Instead of believing my mother, I believed him. I forgave him. I stayed. It did happen again. It happened over and over again for the next three years. All the while I believed every “sorry” and every “I love you.” I gave chance after chance. I walked on eggshells. I jumped every time he raised his voice. I feared every argument we had wondering just how long it would take him to lose his temper and lash out. I had convinced myself that I was the problem. That if I tried a little harder to keep my mouth shut when I wanted to voice my opinion he would love me more. That if I did his laundry or cooked for him or kept the house spotless he would love me more. That if I quit complaining about how I worked a full time job and paid for everything while he got high with his friends that he would love me more. But no matter how hard I tried it was never good enough.

So I picked my bruised and beaten self up over and over again and brushed off the night before. I was working over time to be that happy couple that we appeared to be. From sappy Facebook statuses about how much we loved each other to the cute pictures with sappy quotes we posted with each other, we looked happy. But my smile was fake. I wasn’t happy. I was tired. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I was depressed and I was alone. There was no one I could tell anything to because no one would understand. They’d say “leave him” and they’d make it sound so easy not knowing that if I tried to leave, I was beaten, or he’d threaten to kill me or hurt someone close to me. And they’d ask why I wouldn’t leave. Trying to explain that you’re trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, only because you think you know the potential that this person has to be, is the hardest thing to explain to someone who has never experienced what you have.

I tried to leave several times, but every time I was honeymooned back with this idea in my head of how it could be this time around. And each time I left I told myself this was the last time. I was told over and over again that no one else would ever want me. I was stuck with him forever. At least that’s what he thought. I decided being alone for the rest of my life was better than living another day like that. I decided I had had enough the night I was laying on the bathroom floor crying so hard I physically could not breathe wondering what I could do to end it all. My two month old baby girl started crying and I remembered that it wasn’t all about me anymore. There was a little girl in the next room who deserved the world and would never get it living in a home fueled by hate instead of love. I quit worrying about his feelings for once and for the first time in three years, I did what was best for me. I left for work the next morning and I didn’t go back.

And now there’s you. Now he talks about how "crazy" I am to you, but he will never tell you the things he did to make me this way. I should be jealous. I have every reason to be jealous because to everyone else, you’re living out my dream. But everyone else is oblivious to who he really is. Just like I was and just like you are. I don’t feel jealous. I feel sad for you. I see pictures of you two and I wonder just how long it will take your smile to fade too. I wonder if he’ll wait longer than three months to show you his true colors. I pray for you. I pray that you’re noticing the warning signs. I pray that the first time he puts his hands on you that you will know you deserve better. That you will know that isn’t love. That you will know your worth. That you will leave. I pray that you never lay on that bathroom floor wondering what you’ve done to deserve that kind of behavior and wishing that you had believed me when I warned you. I did warn you. I know you won’t listen, though. Maybe you think I’m the crazy, jealous ex he says I am. Maybe you just have to see for yourself. But curiosity killed the cat, baby girl. Don’t stay because you think you can fix him. You can’t change a person who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.

Sometimes when I look back on that part of my life, it almost seems unreal. It almost seems like it happened to someone else. How could I let someone treat me like that? How could I have been so weak or so easily manipulated? Leaving him was the hardest thing I have ever done but it was also the best thing I have ever done. I have moved on with my life. I have started loving myself again. Although I’m still healing from the years of mental and emotional abuse, although I still have physical scars, I’m not that 17-year-old girl who was naïve and insecure anymore. I’m now a woman who knows her worth. I know what love is and what it is not. I will never settle for less than I deserve again. I know that I am enough the way I am.

I reached out to his ex who he had dated before me, after I ended our relationship. And I openly admitted to her that she was right. That she wasn’t the crazy, jealous ex he had me fooled into thinking she was. I know that now because now, I’m just like her. To his new girlfriend: I’ve been in your shoes and when you realize that I was right, I’ll be here waiting and I promise I won’t say “I told you so."

Know your worth.