I have always been the kind of person who focuses on others: their well-being, their happiness, their success. I wanted to see those around me succeed more than myself for a very long time, partly because I had been told my entire life to surround myself with successful people, but mostly because watching them succeed was a lot easier than watching myself potentially fail while trying to succeed.
I started my college journey in 2012. Like many, it was my first time away from home and my first time trying to discover myself. I was beyond excited. I had goals and I had a plan. My first year was a lot of exploring! I explored Boston, explored friendships and explored being a stand-out student. By my second year I felt like a pro. I was killing it in my classes, working on music all the time, and balancing life, a relationship and school.
Then I went through a break-up. While going through that, I was dealing with school, family conflict and trying to become a Resident Assistant. It felt like my world was crumbling around my shoulders while I was trying to glue together the crumbs.
Fast forward to the second semester of my second year. I had been hired as an RA, was moving into my dream building, starting my dream job and becoming very successful at my dream school. As I started working with residents and other students I began to realize that this time of my life, these four—well, five—years of undergraduate studies were my time to be selfish. I began preaching this to my residents.
I became shamelessly selfish. I started making decisions that were best for me, whether it meant staying in instead of going out with people, or taking a personal afternoon because the sun was shining, or saying no to the “friends” who were just becoming negative influences. I stopped fearing failure and embraced the fact that in order to be successful I may have to fail. There is growth and beauty in failure.
There is such a stigma around focusing on yourself and being selfish. People fail to realize that in order to be selfless, you must be selfish at some point; one cannot pour from an empty cup. By focusing on myself and being selfish I was able to be a better student, friend and most importantly, a better RA. I was better able to re-fill and fulfill others because I myself was full. My physical and mental health is the best it has ever been.
When life gets real—and, let's be honest, it always does—remind yourself that even with the exams, the parties, the rehearsals, the all-nighters, these are your selfish years. These are the years to become who you want to be and to define, create and establish yourself. Don’t be afraid to be shamelessly selfish so you can be selfless.
