As I sit cooped up in my room on Princeton’s campus, I am surrounded by my own stresses that are inherent to living away from home and being in college. I am at once attempting to discover what it means to ‘truly be myself’ and keep up with the whirlwind of orders I submit to. I am trying to test the waters of study areas without drowning in them in the process. However, as I sit in my room, engulfed by my familiar acquaintances named academics, anxiety, apprehension, and apathy at once, I am thinking so much about myself, and not enough of someone else in my life: my younger brother.
He is at home, where my past lies. He is living with memories of me, with people who only remember me before I left for college. He is probably just kind of floating through each day. He seems like a good kid and in not-too-shabby of a state. However, I can’t blind myself to what his subconscious is probably going through. Maybe he realizes it; maybe he does not. What I do know is that many younger siblings endure this unsaid trial that is unrealized and manifested within them from the inception of our academic careers at these institutions.
It doesn’t help when my mother constantly flirts with the idea that my brother might be able to attend the same institution I am at. Every time she visits, she says the same exact thing, to which my brother will laugh nervously and shake his head. My mother will confide in me, perhaps wishing that my brother was as openly driven as I was in high school (not so sure of the validity of that statement anymore). She constantly worries for him, his future job prospects, his height, his health, and all these other factors that she said she didn’t have to worry about raising me.
And what makes me the most frustrated is the barrier that it creates between us siblings. We have always been close growing up – and we still are; we have learned to be mischievous together (never was like me to be that way to my mom), talk to each other about funny things on the Internet, and share the silly things that happen throughout the day. He has and always will confide in me with trouble, ask me random questions, and put up with my crude barbarity at home. Yet, once the subject turns to his future, his grades, or personal performance, he will get quiet. When I ask him what he is doing over the summer, I can’t help but think that he is going through the things I did when I was in high school as he answers with a taut mouth and terse “I applied to things.” In that case, I offer to help him edit his essays or give some wisdom, to which he never follows up on. And I can’t help thinking that he might be scared to show me these things because of some reason related to my school.
It’s not just my brother either. As the school year passed and I spoke with friends on campus, back at home at different institutions, and other family, I realized this loose trend between older siblings and younger siblings. It doesn’t have to be an Ivy League – any grandiose, renowned institution will do. Any seasoned older sibling will induce this. Some younger siblings will try harder to overshadow their predecessors in a competitive frenzy that might not bode the best results in the future. Others will sit back and accept a certain defeat. Of course there are those who will breeze through, but these kids are probably more in tune to themselves.
Our siblings need to realize that they should not be trying to follow our trajectory, and more so not to be weighed down by not doing so. It is unique for each person, and trying to get there all the same way simply doesn’t work. Sometimes, people will have to take the unpleasant scenic route to get to their destination. Others will drive on a freeway. Some will crash and burn, just to be reset with a new outlook.
The whole college race can become absolutely ridiculous at times; I know I say this in hindsight, after being deep in the boiling pot before, but it cannot be unsaid that there are so many advantages (yes, advantages) to going elsewhere, to deviating from the road we have taken. I can’t imagine it being easy to fend off possible insecurities and traits that are products of this situation, unbeknownst to them. I can only hope that everyone, including my own brother and mother, can soon come to understand the blessing it is to pave your own path. It was never a one size fits all, and it was never a bad thing. Wellness is the most important thing – something that won’t always come with the few select eight or ten on the coasts. I hope our siblings all keep their eyes, ears, and hearts open to see their own light. I hope for them the healthy self-confidence, self-preservation, and strength that they need.
So if you are a shadowed sibling feeling anything less – stop and try changing lanes; I’m sure the view will be much, much better.
