I’m going to start with a warning that some readers may find some of this material upsetting. Even seven months later, this is very hard to write about.

With that being said, I feel like I’ve been silenced for a long time, and it’s been hard to deal with the repercussions of what happened in the meantime. I strongly feel that the truth needs to be brought to light.

Last October, in my first semester of college, I was taken advantage of by a guy that I considered a friend. It happened in my dorm, just two doors down from my room. It was completely non-consensual.

At first, I wanted to just move on and forget about it, but it’s not that simple. I’m able to talk about it now, but I used to not be able to talk about it without crying.

Rape has great emotional consequences. I was flooded with feelings of anger, guilt, and brokenness.

One of the most difficult and painful moments of my life was telling my mom, pacing in the grass outside my dorm, clutching my phone and fighting back tears.

The events that followed since I was assaulted have arguably been more upsetting than what happened that night.

With my mom’s encouragement, I went to my school’s Center for Women and Community and met with a counselor. She was very kind and helped me set up an appointment with the Dean of Students Office. It seemed like things were going to be resolved in a timely manner. As per their instructions, I wrote out a statement explaining everything that happened.

I submitted the statement in November, and sometime after that they fit me in for another appointment. In this appointment, we went over everything that I had written. I’ve been one to make jokes every now and then about being “triggered” by things, but I felt the emotion so genuinely and strongly in that moment. I couldn’t stop myself from crying as they made me repeat out loud every move he made.

At this point, I was sure that I wanted them to move him, and I told them this. I saw him every day in the hallway and it was very upsetting. I was told they would get back to me, and that I would be notified once a committee reviewed my statement and decided what to do.

Months passed, and nothing happened. To me, it shouldn’t take long to read my statement, conclude that he should be moved, and move him. It was frustrating enough that I had to pick up all the pieces from the damage that only he did. I felt unsafe in my own dorm, where he was still living just two doors down.

Over winter break I dreaded coming back, and it made me pretty depressed. My mom and I contacted the Dean of Students Office and they offered to help me move instead. It was better than staying where I was and seeing him every day, so I moved--away from many of my good friends.

Having him stay in that dorm had consequences as well. When my friends stopped associating with him, he was upset. I was afraid that he would take it out on me if we ever ran into each other somewhere secluded. Although I lived in a different building, I still did not feel completely safe.

I sent another email to the Dean of Students Office in early March explaining these new developments, and how stressful it was. A week later, I got a short response saying that “the information you reported to our office is under review,” and that another Dean would be getting back to me in the next week, and this never happened. I have still heard nothing.

The fact that nothing has been done sends the message that what I’ve had to go through hasn’t been taken seriously. Solving the issue is a matter of justice, as well as of mental health. I hope that I can someday feel that justice has been done. Until it happens, the guy has gotten away with it--without as much as a slap on the wrist.

Although there have been victories for sexual assault survivors, such as the Bill Cosby case, it is ignored by the higher powers way too often. The disgusting Brock Turner case is a devastating example.

I’ve written this not to be pitied, but in hope that it will bring more awareness to this problem. Despite the failings of the administration, I’ve risen above the hurt and learned a lot about self-worth, and that’s the silver lining.