There has been a lot of talk in the news about sexual assault.
Most of the time, talking about sexual assault is a good thing, that means that we are aware that it happens way too often and we are making strides to stop that, right?
Unfortunately, lately I have been hearing more and more about women being "too sensitive" when it comes to sexual assault, or stories about women who "claim" to have been sexually assaulted, put into a light so that it seems like they made the whole thing up.
I think it's important to note that sexual assault doesn't always look like you think it does. When someone says the words "sexual assault", what comes to mind? I thought sexual assault = rape.
If you had asked me just a few months ago if I had ever been sexually assaulted, I would tell you "absolutely not!". I have realized, however, that sexual assault does not exclusively mean rape. While I have never been raped, I have been sexually assaulted more times than I can count.
Let me explain.
Sexual assault is defined as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Knowing that definition, does that change your answer to the question "have you ever been sexually assaulted?" it certainly changed mine. Any time a guy has come up to me and grabbed my butt, slid a hand across my chest, or pushed himself against me while I was trying to get away from him - those are all experiences of sexual assault and like I said, they are countless in my life.
The truly crazy part of all of this is that when I think about all of those times that I was put in a situation where a guy was touching my body without my consent, I was almost always nice to him. Even though my skin was crawling and I felt that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I would force a smile and nicely tell them "no thank you" or "no, I have to go find my friend", when I should have been screaming in their faces and kicking them repeatedly until they were forced away from me and my body.
So my question today is, why did I let those guys get away with it? Why didn't I demand that they apologize or at the very least get away from me immediately? The answer is, unfortunately, that society taught me that it was my JOB to not hurt their feelings while denying their sexual advances. It was my job to "let them down easy" so I wasn't a "bitch" and that the groping was probably my fault because my dress was kind of tight or my shirt was a little low cut. Guys, after all, can't help it right?
WRONG! It is NOT my job, or anyone else's job to let them down easy, it's NOT my job to spare their feelings, and telling someone that if they touch me I'll hand them one of their own body parts is NOT me being a bitch, it's me protecting my own body! Guys/Boys/Men are fully capable of "helping it" if they feel some kind of primal urge to grab an ass that doesn't belong them.
It's time, ladies. It's time to turn the tables and demand the respect that we deserve. It's time to stand up for ourselves and our fellow women. It's time to expect more of the men of this world and hold them accountable for their words and actions.
There are many women who figured this all out way before me, who have been doing their part to spread awareness and wake up the world by screaming that we have serious problems in our country pertaining to the way women are treated. I just hope that this article reaches even one woman and makes her change the way she views those unwanted hands on her body, and makes her feel empowered to not smile and walk away, but to demand that he stop and apologize. It is my hope that this article reaches a mother with sons, and that it sparks an essential conversation about how they should treat women. It is my hope that this article gets into the hands of a young girl, just starting out at college, who won't ever allow a man to get away with touching her without her consent.
The time is now, if we don't start demanding better for ourselves, who will?
