An Open Letter To Boys Who Treat Girls Like Sex Objects

An Open Letter To Boys Who Treat Girls Like Sex Objects

Say it with me girls: no one has a right to my body but me.
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After years of being treated like a sex object in high school and college, I've come to the sickening realization that, although boys do have to stop treating girls like sex objects, it's up to the rest of us to make it happen.

It is objectifying and wrong for boys to view girls only in terms of how they can benefit and service boys sexually. We know this. And it's safe to say that most college girls have been sexually objectified by boys multiple times throughout their lives. But how do we stop it?

Although it is entirely up to the boy, his personality, and how he treats girls, there is one way to make the blatant sexual objectification stop: we must stop enabling it.

If a boy slides in your DMs and asks to "chill," run away as fast as you can! Newsflash, girls: if he wants to "Netflix and chill," he's going to try his darndest to get in your pants. Unless meaningless hookups are your thing (you do you, girl!), do not fall into these traps where boys get you alone in their dorm room and take the chance to take advantage of you.

In my personal experience, I've seen that most college boys feel extremely entitled, as if they have a right to your body. As if, just because you came to his dorm room when he invited you, or just because he bought you dinner or alcohol, or just because he's acting like a nice guy- that he is entitled to sexual favors. That's not how consensual sex works.

HE IS NOT ENTITLED TO YOUR BODY.

It does not matter who he is. It doesn't matter if he's the guy you have a crush on, your FWB, your boyfriend, or even your fiance or husband. Regardless of your relationship with him (or lack thereof), you NEVER HAVE to give in to his sexual desires if YOU DON'T WANT TO. The only person who has the right to your body is YOU. There is no reason for you to give that up. YOU own your body, and you get to decide what to do with it.

Resist sexual pressure, when he says things like, "How am I supposed to go to work like this?" in regards to his mythical "blue balls"- which don't exist by the way. Sure, any sexual human being can get sexually excited and not have that desire satisfied. It happens all the time. It is not your job to sexually please a guy, even if you are in a committed relationship. If you don't want to do something, you don't have to do it. Period.

Don't let him pressure or guilt you into giving him a blowjob if that's not something you want to do. If he's trying to have sex with you, don't take the headache excuse cop out with a "not tonight, sweetie." You can be of perfect physical health and say no to sex. You never have to give a reason for saying no.

Even though we run the risk of being called a "prude" or a "bitch" or even a "slut" for refusing to give sexual favors to a guy, (that makes sense right? Saying no makes you a slut?) stand up for yourself. Resist rape culture.

When a boy you don't want to be sexually intimate with asks for sexual favors, or tries to cover himself by asking you to "just come over and cuddle and watch a movie" or to "help him with his homework," just say no. When boys make sexually revolting comments, suggestions, or even demands, if you're not into that, call him out on his disgusting behavior. As long as girls let boys say these things to them, the longer they will go thinking this behavior is OK, and will help them get girls.

Take Tinder for example. Both boys and girls download the app in hopes of finding nearby hookups. If you match with a boy, most likely he is going to send you some sexual, disgusting message, whether it be the first message or further along in the conversation- before you even begin to get to know this boy.

Boys in this generation think they are entitled to girls' bodies without even getting to know them first! You meet at a party, or you match on Tinder, and all of a sudden he thinks you're automatically going to sleep with him. If that's what you want to do, then, by all means, go for it girl! But this is for the girls who are turned off by such direct sexual advancement. Personally, the more obvious a guy makes it that he is talking to me just trying to get in my pants, the less likely it is I am going to take an interest in him.

So make your stance known. If he is asking for oral sex within two minutes of talking to him, take that as a sign and tell him the truth. Say it's disgusting to behave that way, and it's very disrespectful to women, and that's definitely not the way to get girls. Stand up for yourself and your fellow women: we are not sex objects. We are human beings. And if you're not going to treat me as such, you can only dream about getting with me.

Say it with me girls: no one has a right to my body but me.

Cover Image Credit: We Heart It

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Cole And Sav LaBrant Give Me Hope That Our Generation Isn't Defined By Hookup Culture

Let's make "dating" a trend again.

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In case you haven't heard, Savannah and Cole's relationship is literally #goals.

From how they met to the way they kept Jesus in the center of everything they did, their relationship shows us that not all guys (and girls) just want to "hook up" or have a one night stand.

Being in college, it can be very hard to distance yourself from hookup culture because almost everyone participates in it in some way. This can mean meeting a random guy at a frat party and then going home with him that night, or it can mean sending a "You up?" text at 2 in the morning with only one intention in mind.

We, as a generation, don't date anymore.

A boy doesn't ask a girl (in person) to go to dinner and a movie anymore. If they are to do it, it's done over text and is totally impersonal. If a boy picks up a girl from their house, they honk the car horn instead of ring the doorbell.

But, some people still follow these few simple rules of dating. Some men choose to look nice for a date, bring the girl flowers, and only has the intention of getting to know the girl better, instead of only wanting to have sex with her by the end of the night.

So, boys, take the hint from Cole LaBrant.

Pursue that girl (or guy), even if she lives on the other side of the country. Put the relationship into God's hands, and He will guide you in the right direction.

The Bible also tells us to stay pure in our relationships until marriage.

For many, it can be very hard to keep this commitment to purity because everyone around us is saying to do the exact opposite.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins inside their own body. Do you not know your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies."

This verse does not condemn us for what we have done in the past. If you've had sex in the past, know that it is okay.

Even if you knew Jesus at the time, know that it is okay, because we serve a God of forgiveness and love. He knows that we are not perfect humans and that we are bound to mess up from time to time. So, do not judge yourself or others for what you have done in the past. The only thing you can do is to move forward with your eyes on Jesus.

Cole and Savannah have been very open about the ups and downs of their relationship on their YouTube channel, and also in their new book. They realize their relationship isn't perfect, and it gives us hope that our relationships don't need to be picture perfect either. If you slip up in your relationship, talk through it in open honesty, and move forward.

Image Credit: Cole and Savannah LaBrant on YouTube

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There Is More To Cole & Sav LaBrant Than Their Social Media Highlight Reel

A perfect social media feed doesn't equal a perfect life.

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When you see Cole and Savannah LaBrant you likely focus on their to-die-for relationship, their beautiful daughter, Everleigh, and their blessing on the way.

Maybe you also see their success with social media as a career and their sweet Cali life. When we're on the outside looking in it might seem as if they have a perfect life. But, that isn't necessarily the truth.

There is more to them than the highlight reel that we see on our screens.

Now, I'm not saying that they don't have a great life.

They are living the life that God has planned and prepared them for and it is so beautiful to watch. It wasn't always this way for them though. There was a long path to get to the place where they are now and it wasn't a walk in the park. I feel like it's so easy for us to look past people who are famous or successful and write them off as perfect human beings who have no problems.

We forget that these people have stories too, and their stories matter.

There is more to the person than the fame and success and the likes and followers and the subscribers and shares and so on.

Savannah and Cole have a wonderful, God-centered, loving relationship, but Savannah hasn't always had that great of a relationship with men. As a child, she witnessed her mother and father divorce. In high school, she had her heart broken and was mistreated by boyfriends and she became a young, single mother in college.

Cole is a man of God and grew up in church but went through a period of time when he watched his mother struggle with her faith and that can be difficult and confusing to deal with.

They long-distance dated, both on opposite sides of the country, for months before they were able to be close enough to see each other every day. And these are just tidbits of a lifelong story that we don't see on the media, but they still matter.

In their new book, Cole and Savannah open up about their lives before and after their relationship, the good and the bad.

They also tell about their totally crazy first encounter and how their relationship came to be. It's so raw and real and you really get to know them deeper than what we know from their social media profiles, that's what I really like about it.

The success and the fame, yeah sure that is a big part of their life, but if you take the time to get to know their story you see that there is so much more to who they are and what they do.

Image Credit: Cole LaBrant on Instagram

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