An Open Letter To Boys Who Treat Girls Like Sex Objects

An Open Letter To Boys Who Treat Girls Like Sex Objects

Say it with me girls: no one has a right to my body but me.

After years of being treated like a sex object in high school and college, I've come to the sickening realization that, although boys do have to stop treating girls like sex objects, it's up to the rest of us to make it happen.

It is objectifying and wrong for boys to view girls only in terms of how they can benefit and service boys sexually. We know this. And it's safe to say that most college girls have been sexually objectified by boys multiple times throughout their lives. But how do we stop it?

Although it is entirely up to the boy, his personality, and how he treats girls, there is one way to make the blatant sexual objectification stop: we must stop enabling it.

If a boy slides in your DMs and asks to "chill," run away as fast as you can! Newsflash, girls: if he wants to "Netflix and chill," he's going to try his darndest to get in your pants. Unless meaningless hookups are your thing (you do you, girl!), do not fall into these traps where boys get you alone in their dorm room and take the chance to take advantage of you.

In my personal experience, I've seen that most college boys feel extremely entitled, as if they have a right to your body. As if, just because you came to his dorm room when he invited you, or just because he bought you dinner or alcohol, or just because he's acting like a nice guy- that he is entitled to sexual favors. That's not how consensual sex works.


It does not matter who he is. It doesn't matter if he's the guy you have a crush on, your FWB, your boyfriend, or even your fiance or husband. Regardless of your relationship with him (or lack thereof), you NEVER HAVE to give in to his sexual desires if YOU DON'T WANT TO. The only person who has the right to your body is YOU. There is no reason for you to give that up. YOU own your body, and you get to decide what to do with it.

Resist sexual pressure, when he says things like, "How am I supposed to go to work like this?" in regards to his mythical "blue balls"- which don't exist by the way. Sure, any sexual human being can get sexually excited and not have that desire satisfied. It happens all the time. It is not your job to sexually please a guy, even if you are in a committed relationship. If you don't want to do something, you don't have to do it. Period.

Don't let him pressure or guilt you into giving him a blowjob if that's not something you want to do. If he's trying to have sex with you, don't take the headache excuse cop out with a "not tonight, sweetie." You can be of perfect physical health and say no to sex. You never have to give a reason for saying no.

Even though we run the risk of being called a "prude" or a "bitch" or even a "slut" for refusing to give sexual favors to a guy, (that makes sense right? Saying no makes you a slut?) stand up for yourself. Resist rape culture.

When a boy you don't want to be sexually intimate with asks for sexual favors, or tries to cover himself by asking you to "just come over and cuddle and watch a movie" or to "help him with his homework," just say no. When boys make sexually revolting comments, suggestions, or even demands, if you're not into that, call him out on his disgusting behavior. As long as girls let boys say these things to them, the longer they will go thinking this behavior is OK, and will help them get girls.

Take Tinder for example. Both boys and girls download the app in hopes of finding nearby hookups. If you match with a boy, most likely he is going to send you some sexual, disgusting message, whether it be the first message or further along in the conversation- before you even begin to get to know this boy.

Boys in this generation think they are entitled to girls' bodies without even getting to know them first! You meet at a party, or you match on Tinder, and all of a sudden he thinks you're automatically going to sleep with him. If that's what you want to do, then, by all means, go for it girl! But this is for the girls who are turned off by such direct sexual advancement. Personally, the more obvious a guy makes it that he is talking to me just trying to get in my pants, the less likely it is I am going to take an interest in him.

So make your stance known. If he is asking for oral sex within two minutes of talking to him, take that as a sign and tell him the truth. Say it's disgusting to behave that way, and it's very disrespectful to women, and that's definitely not the way to get girls. Stand up for yourself and your fellow women: we are not sex objects. We are human beings. And if you're not going to treat me as such, you can only dream about getting with me.

Say it with me girls: no one has a right to my body but me.

Cover Image Credit: We Heart It

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Open Letter to My First Love

So while our time together was short, it was trying, it was beautiful and it was meaningful.

Dear First Love,

You know, you taught me a lot by being a first of mine. You taught me about life, and real love, and relationships. You were the first guy to see my hair in the morning. The first person to say they loved me romantically. The first boy to give me a bouquet of flowers. The first date I’d had to prom. The first one who offered me a second family through his own. The first person besides my parents I’d go to with anything and everything. My first facebook official relationship. My first boyfriend. You were my heart, and you had it from the beginning.

You were the first guy to make me feel like shit about myself. You were the first person to say “I love you” romantically and not actually mean it. You were the first person to relate effort to fixing a car. The first one to discredit our relationship with the running of a TV show series. You were the one person I wanted to love me like I loved him. That was a first. It was all a big first.

But throughout it all, there is one first that beats them all. My first breakup. My first time standing up for myself. My first real heartbreak but also my first real victory. And while in many ways, you taught me to love and learn and how to give my heart away, you also taught me how to guard my heart enough until I find the right person to give it too. You taught me that it doesn't matter what others think of you, but of what you think of yourself. When I was with you I didn't like who I was becoming and that taught me that a guy should NEVER EVER change my view of myself.

So while our time together was short, it was trying, it was painful, and it was meaningful. I learned to love, how to fight with communication, how to put someone's needs before myself. And I started on a journey to find myself.

But the greatest thing I remember learning from you, the boy who broke my heart, is that ALL firsts, good ones and bad ones, have a lesson to teach. And now that it's just me, myself, and I, it’s time to start generating a new list of firsts. Starting with...


Sincerely yours,

The new and improved-ish Me

Cover Image Credit: Lily Cramer

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10 Stages Everyone Goes Through When They Have A New Crush

You cannot make real words around someone you think is cute.

Crushing on someone else is a normal part of life. Sometimes, it turns into something more. Other times, you realize that the person isn't all you thought they were. Crushes can last for days, months, or even years. Regardless of the outcome or duration, your crush is put on a pedestal in your mind for a period of time. Your crush can do no wrong! They are the quintessence of all you have searched for in a soulmate. Got your infatuate in mind? Good, because these are the inevitable stages of crushing hardcore!

1. The introduction

You were just standing there, minding your own business, when Mr./Mrs. Perfect has to come waltzing in on your perfectly drab situation. You couldn't have seen it coming! It was crush at first sight...

2. Stalking harder than the FBI

No agency nor secret organization hath the stealth and efficiency of someone with a crush. Your fingers fly over your keyboard in a desperate search for your crush's social media, armed with only their first name and license plate number.

3. Making social media posts as bait

You heard your crush loves rock climbing so you pull out the Chacos from 7th grade and snap a pic to prove your love and level of granola.

4. Losing your mind when they walk by


5. The first conversation (that mostly consists of unintelligible sounds on your part)


6. Your friends totally know something's up

You can try to deny it, but the people closest to you know that you NEVER smile this much.

7. The love songs you used to hate all start to make sense

How could you not have realized that 00s country Taylor Swift was such a lyrical genius?

8. You start planning your future with them

You don't even know their middle name, but you know you want to have babies with them. A boy and a girl, Carter and Isabella, respectively.

9. They become the topic of every conversation

In your head, the things you say about your crush make for a Hollywood-caliber love story! Whether or not your listeners care about their beautiful eyes or luscious hair is irrelevant. You just need someone to listen to you fangirl.

10a. Shoot your shot

You've watched this beautiful creature at a distance for far too long! It's your time to GO IN! You don't know what the outcome will be, but you know getting some feelings off your chest will be worth it in the end.

10b. You realize why they're not the one

At this point in the crush timeline, you've probably discovered a character flaw you couldn't see past your love goggles. Maybe he is known across campus for cheating, or she thrives on attention from others. However you slice it, this person is NOT your other half and you know it!

Having feelings for someone else is a rollercoaster of emotions that you are never prepared for, but in the end, what's meant to happen will happen. Sometimes, things work out perfectly and you end up with someone to do life with. Other times, your dreams are crushed by the harsh reality of imperfect people, and you learn to get over it.

Either way, loving yourself and the things most important to you is VITAL before ever getting involved with someone else. When you learn to cherish your own life, you can begin to invest in someone else's. Wishing you all the crush-tastic experiences in the world!

Cover Image Credit: @whitjeng/Instagram

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